Emma.

new years special <3

It's the last day of the year. Emma did nothing in particular. She woke up a bit early than usual despite her sleep schedule being a mess.

Emma scrolled down her social media. Seeing how the others spending their last day of the year. They went to the beach, sharing their hopes and dreams. Bidding goodbye to their old self and getting ready to welcome their new self with warm hugs.

Emma doesn't know what she wants to do for the new year eve. She never really cares. Emma's entire family doesn't really cares. It was the same for them. Time comes and go just like that whether you're ready or not. There's nothing special.

This year hasn't been neither difficult nor easy for Emma. Emma already let it go. Emma's sure that she would regret and got caught up with her past so she didn't even bother to look forward of the new year eve.

Emma felt empty. Emma's not sad. Emma's not happy. Emma's not nervous.

She felt... empty

Emma took a deep breaths. It's funny how the only thing Emma could ever think to do when she felt empty is to breathe. She breathe everyday though.

Emma looked out her bedroom's window. The rain has been pouring this morning so it felt cold now. Making the atmosphere a bit too humid and blue. Sad. Empty. It's 11pm now. 1 hours till the annual fireworks show.

Emma's phone chimed. It was a reminder of a note. A note that she didn't remember ever existed in her phone. Emma clicked on the notification and it directly open the notes app.

Dear Emma, open this when it's the last day of the year.

A video was attached to it. Emma didn't remember it being here. From who? Emma always locked her phone so the only one who has access to it is her.

Emma clicked the play button.

There... it was Emma. Emma from the first day of the year. She's not smiling nor crying.

" Hey Emma ! A year has passed, eh? Do you enjoy this year? "

Not really. Emma doesn't really know how to answer that question. Emma enjoyed some moments but she regrets more. Emma's neither sad or happy about it.

"Tough year? Do you still have the urge to slit your throat whenever you said something wrong? Do you still have the urge to hang yourself out of the blue? Are you still alive?"

No. Emma already passed that phase. Emma's already accepting her life now. Dying won't change anything. The regret would still be there. Emma's living with pain and regrets and that'll be the only way she's going to continue living her life.

Yes, Emma. I'm still alive.

"Hey Emma. Don't you think we should give us a chance?"

A chance? For what? Emma in the video silently stare at the camera.

"We deserve happiness too, you know. I know it's suprising to hear yourself telling you this but I just got this thought last night..."

"....shouldn't we let go of the regrets now?"

"We always think that we never did our best whenever we failed. But the truth is... deep down I know that we actually felt proud of ourselves. Don't you think so?"

"Whatever would happen this year, I want us to survive. I survived last year, we can survive more. I want to see you again. I want to see us again. I want you to watch this video and be proud of yourself because you survived this year"

"I love you, Emma. I love me, Emma. Let's promise to survive again, okay?"

The video ended. Emma was left speechless. She didn't remember recording a video saying these things. But the Emma from the first day of the year has given a big slap on the Emma today.

Let's survive again...

A small smile on Emma's lips is enough to show that she's going to fulfill that promise. Emma exited the notes app and open her camera.

The record button was clicked and Emma was left speechless again. Emma's not sure what to say to the future her but words just came out of her mouth.

"Hey, Emma. A year has passed, eh? Do you enjoy it...?"

Emma spaced out. She's lost in her own thought. She eventually spit out some random words that has been playing inside her head until a thought strikes her.

"Have you let go of the regrets yet? I know you regret on not enjoying your past years. It's time to let it go, you know? The regrets won't bring you anywhere...."

Emma never thought that she'd be saying this. Especially to herself. But she felt relief by doing so. It's until now that Emma realized, she had a lot to say to herself than to others.

Emma felt like she's confronting herself. Emma never really cares about herself. She only cares about the world. But this time... she wants to care. Emma wants to stop thinking about the world.

Emma doesn't need the world. Emma needs herself.

"I fulfilled our promise. We promised to survive this again and I did. So let's renew our promise. I'm going to be a bit greedy this time so I'll add more to our promise"

"Hey, Emma. Let's survive again, okay? Let's make our lives so damn fantastic and magical that our old self got jealous. Let's live our life recklessly beautiful that our old self won't regret surviving till this day. Shall we?"

The clock strucked 12 a.m and the fireworks began. Emma could hear the sound of it blasting before sparkling in the sky, coloring the dark canvas. Green, red, blue, yellow. Colorful lights illuminating her room through her window.

Emma smiled to the camera. Emma doesn't know what she did just now but she felt... full. Her heart is full with this glittery ecstatic feelings that makes Emma wants to dance.

"I love you, Emma. I love me, Emma. Let's promise to have fun and survived again, okay?"

A/N :

Hey guys ! Just so you guys know, this special chapter isn't related to the original plotline of Emma. So whatever happened next, this chapter here isn't involved in the story okay?

2021 is ending ! Do you guys enjoyed your year?

Are you looking forward to anything for 2022? Your fav idols' concert? New season of your favourite series? or maybe perhaps, a lovelife for yourself?

Whatever it is, make it as your reasons to survive again next year. You did great this year, so let's do it again, shall we?

Emma is still a long journey so please look forward to it too !

I love you from the bottom of my heart. I love you more than the word 'love' itself.

— the author ❤️