IVANOV ~ yelena belova

𝟎𝟐𝟕

𝗔/𝗡: 𝗵𝗶 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲! 𝗜'𝗺 𝗼𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝗼 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝗽𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘄𝗲'𝘃𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗱 𝟭𝟬𝟬𝗸 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝘀! 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗹𝗹 <𝟯

Karina felt nothing but discomfort as she searched for Bucky in the stifling heat. She manoeuvred her way through the crowd of families and shoppers, repulsed by the number of people pressed up against her.

This was not what she had envisioned when she imagined herself free. She knew the need to constantly look over her shoulder wouldn't go away, and the prickling feeling in the back of her neck whenever she felt someone looking at her wouldn't just disappear. But she had no idea that the crippling sensation in her chest would continue to plague her whenever she lost sight of the person she was with.

She felt trapped and suffocated, unable to breathe in the face of Steve's lingering gaze, which thankfully brushed past her to the bystander next to her. Her guard was up like the steel walls of a prison - or, more fitting, a mental institution.

Steve made her realise she was arrogant, arrogant enough to believe that escaping Hydra by the skin of her teeth would provide her with everything she desired in a normal life. But Karina would never be able to live a normal life as long as she flinched at bare skin that touched her or as long as children stared at the scars on her face for far too long. Karina would never know true freedom as long as Hydra was awake and alive.

With that in mind, Karina turned around, resentful of the life she couldn't have had, and began walking in the direction of Steve. She was ready to demand why he was disrupting her and Bucky's peaceful afternoon, ready to demand why the fuck Bucky had abandoned her 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯, even though he wouldn't know the answer. She wanted to slap his perfectly sculpted face for causing her to come to the conclusion that taking any path would lead to nothing but paranoia and, eventually, loneliness.

But a cool grip on her wrist, equivalent to the metal handcuffs that used to confine her to her bed, yanked her behind a market stall and back into reality. Her captor's shoulder-length brown hair tickled her cheek as she smelled the familiar scent of gun powder and metal, which was overpowered by the sweet aroma of plums.

Karina yanked Bucky's hand away from her, which was still clasped around her wrist. She was fed up with Bucky abandoning her at the most inconvenient times and fed up with him reappearing unexpectedly, whether in a letter or behind a fruit stall.

"Don't fucking touch me, Buck," she hissed as she took a step back from him. The heat was making her dizzy, and the weight of Bucky's heavy gaze on her was causing her to feel even more fatigued and jet-lagged. But she refused to relent, irritated by the ferocious sun, the musty air, and the overall shithole of a day she had in comparison to the happiness and content she felt earlier in the afternoon.

"We need to get back to the apartment now, Karina. Steve's here," Bucky hissed back just as harshly, dissatisfied with the direction their day had taken. Karina half-thought of yelling at him that she knew Steve was there, that she was looking for him to save him so he wouldn't be taken away, but she kept her mouth shut and they both quickly returned to their apartment.

Because that was what she was best at - remaining silent and observing, having learned that speaking would only get her into trouble in some way.

The uneven pavement dug into her heels as they ran back to the apartment in silence, staying in the shadows of the alleyways.

Bucky frantically shut the door of their beaten apartment silently, as neither of them dared to breathe. The dust particles danced in the air as a sliver of light from the window gently bounced off them.

"You have to leave. Steve- Steve will vouch for me, but he doesn't know you Karina, we can't risk it," Bucky said as he put his hands on her shoulders, which Karina perceived as condescending as he looked down at her.

"But I helped him take down Hydra. Why shouldn't he vouch for me?" Karina asked, defeated, she was so tired of their mess, she was ready to give up. "Please Bucky, you can't leave again, I'm by myself, I don't have anywhere to go," she said as she grabbed his hands.

However, the sound of the door slamming caused Karina to release Bucky's hands and reach for the gun hidden in the back of her worn-out jeans. But Steve put his hands up showing that he wasn't a threat.

"I'm sorry, Karina. I can't help you anymore," Bucky muttered as he snatched his backpack from the floorboards.

But Karina didn't want his help, she wanted his company, his friendship. Did Bucky only see her as the child that was a whimpering mess on the concrete floor all those years ago? Was she merely a pity case for him?

She suddenly felt suffocated and choked in the small apartment with the two other super soldiers. She didn't want his help, she kept repeating in her head. She wished to feel his cool hand on hers. She wanted to see the protective look in his eyes as he looked at her as if she were 𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺.

But perhaps he didn't feel the same way after all.

Maybe she was just his lifeline in the Hydra facility, and Steve was his outside in the real world.

She understood Bucky wasn't in a good place mentally, but the back and forth of their friendship was giving her whiplash.

"I don't want your help anymore," she said quietly as she grabbed her duffel bag, which hadn't been there more than four hours. She chuckled weakly as she reflected on how the duffel bag represented her brief but sweet period of comfort in the vast infinite that was freedom. But she couldn't even manage to hold on to that comfort for more than four hours, yet it would travel with her until it was ready to settle down again, perhaps for a little longer next time.

She looked up into Bucky's blue eyes, hoping he'd change his mind, but his decision had settled like mist on the pavement she was walking on, until it was no longer visible.

Karina didn't know where she was going as she left the apartment but the gunshots behind her rang out as men dressed in black entered the apartment she had just left. In search for who, she didn't know but she assumed it was 𝘩𝘪𝘮.

There were times she and Bucky would remember fondly, but for the time being, she had no choice but to let the cloud of uncertainty settle around her.

The storm settled above her like a personal rain cloud that no amount of blistering heat could absorb.

She had no idea where she was going, but the path she thought led to her future was actually leading to her past.