Just A Sudden

JAS: 100

Just A Sudden

I crave for love and affection. And that's the truth. However, I might also in a hurry to find those thing in a wrong people, to the wrong guys.

Sumisimsim ako sa'king inumin habang nakatulala. If it were not of Margaux who snapped her fingers right infront of my face, baka hindi na 'ko nakabalik sa wisyo.

"Huy, pokpok!" She called a bit loudlay as she waved her fingers.

Napakurap ako at napa-ayos sa pag-upo.

"Ayos ka lang?" Kuryuso n'yang tanong pagkatapos.

I rolled my eyes at her lazily. "Oo naman," simple kong saad bago nilagok ang baso ng alak ng diretsahan.

I felt Margaux watched me carefully, like she was surveying me with her eyes, almost turning small because of suspiciousness.

Kealla and Nia were also loud in the couch beside my left. The cold wind from the thirdfloor balcony of Ke's house blew making our hair more mess and ruin. We decided to have a little celebration tonight since we just graduated earlier. Tumawa si Margaux kasabay nina Nia.

I chuckled too but I stopped when Margaux faced me again. Inismiran n'ya ko.

"Ayos ka lang ba talaga?" Siya sabay taas ng kilay sa'kin.

My silence stretched, making Margaux proved about something of her hunch and suspicion. Something that is true, that I am not really fine. Hindi ko nga alam bakit ganito. I mean, c'mon, Lou. It's been almost three years, hindi mo pa rin magawa-gawang kalimutan?

And you know what's more funny? Is that I thought, I am already fine. Buong akala ko, ayos na 'ko. Na nakapagmove-on na 'ko. But maybe, that was I've only thought. Kasi kung totoong ayos na 'ko, bakit ko na naman nararamdaman ang sakit? Like it was just happened yesterday.

Nang pasimple at tahimik na tinawag ni Margaix ang dalawa, mabilis silang naupo sa harap ko. I shook my head. Alam kong nag-aalala lang sila pero para sa'kin kasi, hindi na naman kailangan gayong alam ko, magiging ayos lang rin naman ako bigla.

"Lou..." Kealla called sweetly and pouted at me.

Lumipat naman si Aux sa kabisera ng maliit naming mesa habang si Nia, pinapapak ang pulutan namin, tila handa nang makinig sa'kin. With their concerned and worried look, I left with no choice but to finally voice out my thoughts.

I also realized that there's really nothing wrong to be vulnerable sometimes. Na hindi naman masama magsabi ng totoong nararamdaman. Admitting that you are still hurting isn't sign of weakness, it's only a proof that you are choosing to be brave, for your own good, for you to finally free yourself from the things that were haunting you.

"You know that I'm good with everything right now with Aloysius. Alam niyo 'yan mga pokpok," I told my friends, trying to lighten the topic as much as we can.

Margaux nodded. Her chinky eyes are very expressive that you can almost always see her judgement over someone or something. If you don't know her fully, you might really find her intimadating because of her resting bitch face look.

"Did something happened? Nag-uusap ba ulit kayo?" Si Nia sa maingat na paraan.

Umiling agad ako. "E, anong nangyari?" Ngiwi ni Kealla. She looks good with her boycut the same goes with Nia only that it's a very very short bob cut.

"I'm happy for him..." I snapped out while only staring at my glass infront.

"It's just sometimes, katulad ngayon, I just can't help to feel so sad about what we had before? Like, what if we didn't hit the rock bottom? Gano'n? What would today look like if we still have each other, adoring and making ourselves better together..." nasabi ko nang tuluyan.