Just A Sudden

love, M.

"You feel unsettled because you know, you are meant for more."

We've finally reached the last installment of my JUST A. To be honest, when this story was still on-going, I have plan to share many of my thoughts and words once I will reach this letter, however upon feeling overwhelmed, I obviously ran out of words now to say anything kaya siguro, isusulat ko na lang lahat kung ano man ang lumabas sa'king puso.

Siguro hanggang ngayon, hindi ko parin lubos maisip na magsasara na 'ko ng isang serye na may apat na iba't-ibang istorya na halos isa at kalahati kong taong ginawa. Sabi ko nga ngayon, this really feels overwhelming and kind of bizarre. You know why? Because among the JUST A, this has been the story I wrote that only took me a short period of time. Maybe the plot was just that light and 'sudden' na kahit mismo ako, hindi ko na rin namalayan na patapos na.

I wrote this series without me knowing that this will also lead myself into something more, into something more depth and tenderness; kagaya ng mga realizations, mga leksyon na hatid, at mga katangian ng aking mga character na alam ko, it would surely and continuously touches my heart even if I already move-on to the next.

And if I am going to be asked if what I have learn from Lou's story, is that we should never settle for less. Alam ko na normal lang makaramdam ng pangungulila, like what everyone says na jowang-jowa na tayo. I thought back then that it was only a pure joke. But when I experience the lackness of something, natanto ko na minsan, totoo talaga ang pakiramdam na 'yon. Na we seek for someone's love and affection. Sure, we tend to say it's not really necessary pero alam ko, alam natin na iba pa rin talaga pag may nagpaparamadam sa'yo ng pakiramdam na importante ka, mahalaga ka, at kamahal-mahal ka.

There's nothing really wrong if we also want something that others have; a partner. However if having one means will make you feel unsettled and question your worth, then maybe, we should just wait more and be extra little patient. Kasi kung kaya na'ting sumugal sa maling tao, why not wait and risk for the right one instead? At gaya ng nasabi sa taas, kaya rin siguro hindi pa rin tayo nasa maayos, kasi alam na'tin na may para pa sa atin, na tama at sobra.

Lou, my last character here might feel unsettled with those guy she encountered because it's true that she deserves more more than just an undefined intentions. She deserves a clear one and we all do. Mapababae man o mapalalaki.

At personally, hindi ko rin kasi mabla-blame si Lou for finding someone through those guys who will make her feel loved and appreciated. Because as someone who have never been in a relationship, pakiramdam ko, normal lang talaga ang malungkot. Not because you don't have a friends or what but because we also crave for someone's special love and affection. Tao lang naman tayo at nangugulila, nalulungkot rin.

This will lead that we shouldn't really judge someone over what we see things from the outside. Kasi ang totoo, hindi naman talaga na'tin alam kung ano nga ba ang totoong nangyayari. Hindi naman talaga na'tin alam kung ano nga ba ang tunay nilang kwento.

"Be addicted to loving yourself."

You see if you read and noticed the first era of Lou, she was not really that confident. Maybe because just like what she said, she have some issues. We all do, anyway. But when she started to love herself more, we witnessed how much she overcome her insecurities. How she became a woman of herself. The best version of Lou begin when she focused more on where she feel like she's beautiful at. At siguro, hindi rin naging madali sa kan'ya ang lahat ngunit alam ko, na naniniwala rin s'ya na small progress is still a progress.

I know this also apply to everyone who are also dealing with their darkness. Alam ko na hindi madali malagpasan ang ganitong mga bagay sa buhay. Mahirap, minsan mabagal ngunit alam ko rin na sa huli, pinipili pa rin nating umusad, hindi dahil para sa iba, but for the best version of ourselves.