What am I to be?
a) A dreamer
b) An idealist
c) Confuse?
I analyze:
I had thrilled loads of shoes to dance on vacant floors.
I hide to blend in with others, sonder; it's black then it's white, it's right then it's right then it's wrong. I perform in other people's worlds. Finally chose to perform in mine- the high of adrenaline I get from dancing in the heart of a volcano skyrockets then crashed high in bed. I didn't get so far; the void is still there. Frankly, this doesn't sit well with me.
There are my elderly parents who don't trust me or the people around me anymore. Mom and dad have roles assigned to them, right right. The growing of intense dislike I had towards them for choosing to conceive me. But what an unborn baby could allow being conceived when he clearly doesn't want to be. A baby only gains consciousness after he is born and by then it's already too late. It is not fair to be a part of these recycled stages of life. I don't have a choice but to continue living anyway. I hate to conform to such conditions. Actually, I'm mostly depressed because I know I can't deny it.
Can I stand in front of newborn babies without perceiving life differently from the mental psyche I've used to? Can I feel happy for them as opposed to pity? If they all have grown up like me, can they have a different judgement towards life and tease me for my way of thinking, my way of social dialect?
What am I to be?
I have poverty in my spirit, my spirit reflects my empty life goals. I am lost and abandoned from any sort of association regarding a purposeful life,
but I still choose to live.
It can be... It is something brave and strong to be me and perhaps I've not appreciated myself for that. I'm still alive despite being scared and uncertain about this state call living. Maybe it's not mom and dad's fault, maybe it's not the dreamer and idealist fault, and maybe it's not my fault.
I guess I am to be
a) Sitting on the couch, well and safe
b) able to cook my favourite dinner
c) able to hold hands with friends and family
d) able to feel the warmth on my palms as I hold a cup of hot coffee
e) exploring multiple styles to dress myself
f) able to achieve adventurous sensory with the ability to think and feel
g) in any favourable and unfavourable positions and process them
h) Here
These circumstances are just enough,
I believe;
enough for me to be grateful for
and is just enough for me to keep moving on.
YOU ARE READING
Sanity For Two
Poetry"I remember why it's important for me to continue living." A collection of poems and a few short stories mainly about mental illness, suicide, death, abuse, love and friendship. ((SOME TOPICS IN THIS WRITING MIGHT BE TRIGGERING TO SOME READERS, SO...
