Young Royals: What...now?

French Suite in G Major.

All week, Wilhelm kept replaying  his last conversation with Dr. Nilsson over and over in his mind. How he had met Simon, how they had become friends, why they had gotten close. From this side, it seemed like a fantasy. And ill-fated fantasy, but a fantasy nonetheless. 

He had told the counselor that he'd be ready to talk about their relationship more in-depth in their next session. When he thought about it, his heart would begin pounding in his chest, his head would fill with a light buzzing noise. He had to take big breaths to  calm himself, counting to the rhythm of Bach's French Suite in G Major - his 4th grade piano recital piece. 

After practicing how the conversation was going to go in his head for days- in the shower, while walking to class, as he lay down to sleep- and then making sure he had an answer for any question the counselor could throw his way- the actual check-in wasn't nearly as horrifying as he'd thought it be.

"Hi. I think I'm ready," announced Wilhelm sheepishly as he entered Dr. Nilsson's office and sat down in the beige armchair.

"Well, hi to you, too, Wilhelm," the counselor responded with a small grin on his face. "Would you like a cookie before we get started?"

"Um, no thank you. I just need to do this and have it done, if that's okay with you," replied Wilhelm, feeling the adrenaline leaving his body with every second that passed.

"Ok, have at it, then," he said as he politely sat, his knees crossed and his hands clasped on one knee. "I'm all ears."

"Ok. First of all, I'm guessing this won't come as a shock to you, but, yeah, we were in a more-than-friends relationship, and I absolutely fucked it up- sorry, screwed it up."

Dr. Nilsson gave a quick smile. "Any choice of words you use is fine. Just say what you mean."

"Ok, so, basically, I dunno, just from the beginning, there was something that attracted me to him. His laugh, his smile, how he held himself, how he would just say whatever he wanted because that's how he felt and not worry about what anyone else thought of him. He was just so, you know, free.

"And then, I just sort of did whatever I could to be around him. I would get to class early, just so I could get a seat by where he and his sister always sat. I would get to lunch a bit later, so that he'd already be eating and I could go sit by him. At practice, I would slow my running to meet his pace so that we could talk. Just, whatever I could do to be with him without attracting too much attention, I would do. 

"I would even do stupid shit like pick socks that matched that didn't have holes in him when I knew I was going to see him. I would practice what my opening line would be when I saw him, so I would sound cool and chill, even though my heart was pounding out of my chest. Stupid shit. And all of this with no reciprocation at all from his side. I mean, he didn't avoid me, but he wasn't making a point to seek me out.

"And when he kind of like half-invited me to go into town and see his friend play soccer, I even faked sick and snuck out of the dorms just to spend some time alone with him. And it was awesome. It was, like, hands-down the best night of my life," continued Wilhelm, wiping his sweaty palms on his grey pants. 

His speech was getting faster, more animated. The counselor continued listening intently, nodding but never interrupting. 

"That was the night I think we finally both realized that this was more than just a whatever friendship. It wasn't super common knowledge that he was gay, but it was easy to tell by his book choices or on his Instagram. He wasn't hiding it. 

"So, yeah, I could tell he was a little nervous that time we hung out. His friend kept giving him little side glances like he knew something was up. And then we sort of held hands I guess? I mean, 'held hands' sounds way more legit than what this was, but, I mean, sort of?" Wilhelm shook his hand and looked down. "It was something. That's what I can tell you."