Two Introverts ✔

17 | A Boy

This is long as fvck jhdgsjdhkjsdk I couldn't break this chapter into two, pls bear w me T-T

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I don't want to fail.

I don't want to let my parents down again.

I don't want to make people pity me.

I- I don't... please...

Sam broke down, his head pounding and his throat tight. He was currently in his room, sitting on his desk, the doors and windows closed, crying his eyes out at something only he was aware of. He tried to be as quiet as possible, but it was getting harder by the second. The fact that his parents thought he was sincerely studying in his room hurt his heart even more. He heard his mom ask Kat to be quiet because it'd disturb him, and his sister actually obeyed her for once. 

In between the mental crisis he was in, he heard his door click open - there was no knocking business in his house. He got himself together as much as possible, wiping his face and trying to act like he'd been studying. 

"Sam, dear," his mom called out, "can I come in?"

Before he could answer, she just continued, "No, that's not necessary, just..."

He turned towards her, hoping with ever fiber in his body that his eyes weren't that noticeably red. His mom was standing by the door with a tender expression on her face. Don't cry. Don't cry, shut up.

"You've been stuck inside your room for the past few days, so I was- I am... I'm worried. You look so sleep deprived. Everything's okay, right? You did well...?"

"Y-yeah, I'm just... um-" He paused, the lump in his throat growing bigger and bigger. Stop it, don't cry, you f**king moron. "It's just the exams, I guess... I'm okay," he said, not knowing who he was trying to convince. His mom? Did he really think his face looked convincing enough? But his mom said nothing, just hummed in response and left. The door was still left ajar. After a good ten seconds, his mom came back in, and without a word, she wrapped her arms around her son and flattened his hair that was sticking out. Sam gulped, trying to drown his tears into his stomach, completely disregarding the fact that he had been drowning in those same tears mere seconds ago. 

He didn't know how long his mom would stay this way, didn't know how long his mask would linger. He wanted it to be over as quickly as possible, but at the same time, he wanted it to last just a bit longer. He missed having someone's arms wrapped around him in a way that made the use of words unnecessary, because the love and care they wanted to express would just radiate off of them like bright rays of light and would seep into every nerve of his body. More specifically, he missed his mom. Her thin, fragile yet strong arms that knew its way around Sam. He saw her everyday, they talked to each other everyday, but that didn't change the fact that he hardly ever had time to properly express himself to his mother. He missed those times where he'd go to his mother's arms and cry because he fell down the stairs. Or because he was sad that his friend and he were fighting, though Sam barely had any even as a kid. 

They stayed that way for what seemed like an eternity to Sam. He was able to compose himself and was able to stop crying. There was something magical about his mom - she knew exactly what he wanted and how much of it he needed. Taking a shaky breath and patting his mother's back, he said, "Mom, I'm really fine. You could use some sleep too, you know? I saw the bags under your eyes, don't try to lie to me."

His mom gave him a soft laugh, slowly pulling away from him. "Look at you, all... grown up."

In return, he did nothing but give her a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.