A Guilt-ridden Falling in Love Montage

Chapter Seven: Another Death Day

notes:
sorry this has taken a while, my mental health hasn't been great recently. Captain may be autistic in this or I might just be projecting (or both lol)

The Captain woke much earlier than Pat and carefully slipped out of the bed for his run, noticing as he did so that Pat looked very sweet as he slept. Pat got up later and, noticing that The Captain had left, snuck out so that none of the other ghosts need know what had happened or get any false ideas. It was as he was walking to the kitchen to wish Alison a good morning that he remembered what day it was. His death day was always a difficult day for him, as it was for all the ghosts, but he knew this one would be worse than usual. Having spoken to The Captain about a week ago about his anger at Carol and the betrayal he felt, he wasn't sure he wanted to see Carol but he knew she would come and he couldn't exactly stop her. 'You okay Pat?', Alison asked. He wasn't sure that he wanted to tell her about the new developments in his feelings about Carol so he just replied with, 'It's my death day so I'm feeling a bit sad, nothing you need worry yourself about though Alison'.
'Oh of course, I should have known. Sorry Pat', and then, 'let me know if you need me to say anything when Carol's here'.
'Thank you Alison, I think I'll leave her to it and just watch from my bedroom window this time'. He had no intention of seeing Carol, he didn't think he could cope at the moment.
As he was thinking this he heard a voice, 'Ah, Patrick. There you are, I was just looking for you actually'. The Captain winced as he remembered saying something very similar to Havers once.
'Captain, good morning. I know you've been on a morning run but I wondered if you'd like to join me on a stroll to my tree, I'd rather not go alone and the others are busy or causing chaos somewhere'.
'Likely both', The Captain replied, 'And I'll gladly accompany you on a walk to the tree'. With that the two of them set off.
They'd been walking for a few minutes in a comfortable silence when Pat blurted out: 'I don't want Carol to come today'.
The Captain was taken aback for a moment by Pat's sudden interruption of the silence but replied, 'That's entirely understandable given what you told me last week', then, 'Unfortunately it's too late for Alison to tell them not to but you don't have to see her'.
'I already told Alison I'd just watch from my room but I don't even think I could cope with that'.
'Well, if you need a distraction, I'm available all day'.
Pat raised an eyebrow at The Captain's phrasing.
The Captain hurriedly tried to cover up the unintential meaning Pat seemed to have picked up on but was secretly glad that Pat hadn't seemed disgusted by it.
They reached the tree and stopped for a moment, silently looking at it. 'We'd better head back before Carol arrives', said Pat suddenly.
'Of course' The Captain replied and with that they began to walk back to the house. By the time they reached the front door Captain saw a car coming up the drive so subtly hurried Pat through the door and up to his room. The pair of them ended up perched next to eachother on Pat's bed.
As he sat there Pat's mind began to swirl with anger at Carol and, he could deny it no longer, The Captain. He had no idea how to feel about any of it, he was aware of, and comfortable with, his queerness so it wasn't that which bothered him yet he was still incredibly uncomfortable with his feelings towards The Captain. After a few minutes sitting with his thoughts he realised exactly what was going on: he was falling in love with The Captain but he still wasn't quite over Carol. Guilty built up inside him as the realisation set in. He felt guilty that he no longer loved Carol. He felt guilty that He loved The Captain when the Captain still loved Havers. And he felt guilty that, if by some miracle The Captain did love him back, his old feelings for Carol might get in the way of him loving The Captain as much as he deserved. Pat and The Captain had easily been sitting together in silence for over an hour before either of them said anything. 'Are you okay?', The Captain asked tentatively, aware that he had no idea how to comfort the other man if he wasn't.
'Not really', Pat replied, 'but I will do', he finished looking up at The Captain. Then The Captain did something he hoped would comfort the other man, 'do you want a hug?' he asked.
'Yes please' Pat replied, shuffling closer to the Captain and leaning into his side. The Captain responded by putting his arm around him, hoping he'd done it right, and trying to ignore the anxiety he felt as he desperately tried to figure out how to know when Pat wanted him to let go. They sat there for another hour or so, occasionally having a short conversation before falling back into comfortable silence.