Stranger to stranger

A few inches

Life.
Unpredictable in so many ways. It's a weight I've been carrying around for so long. Pulling me down into the ground. Pushing on my shoulders. Putting me down on my knees. It's a big black cloud blurring everything in my sight. Often, it's leaning into my ear to whisper some sentences. It keeps reminding me how worthless and alone I am. Everyday, this voice bullies me. Saying how irrelevant everything I say or do is. Saying how much I should hate myself since everybody else does. Somehow, it makes me think that everybody who speaks to me does it out of pity. Also, it thinks I shouldn't even show myself in public. Everybody is only there to make fun of me while I'm not looking. They may act friendly but, really, they're not interested in me whatsoever. I'm tired of this negativity following me everywhere I go. I hate crowds because they remind me of how lonely I am. All I see are people who wouldn't realize if I were gone or not. All I can hear is someone saying how my presence isn't wanted anywhere I go. All those sleepless nights thinking of how I could stop this constant voice in my head. I can't continue being mentally abused. If I don't end this now, I'm afraid I'll break. I'll turn crazy and it'll be too late. I've tried everything to make it go away, but it won't leave me alone. It's attached to me, it's part of me. I can't think of another way to stop all of this. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this. It's too much to bear. I can't continue like this. It's not that I want to die, but I'm just way too tired of living. I'm exhausted from being harassed by something I created. Maybe, where I'll end up, I'll be light. I'll finally be able to breathe completely. I'll hear the sweet sound of silence. Oh, what I would do to have a minute of complete deafness. All of this, just for my mind to relax and sit back. I dream of a place with no one to make any sound. I want to be serene wherever I'll be. I wish for peace and calm. I can't wait to be finally free.

I drop my pen on my desk as I read the last sentence on my computer screen. These few words that I'm seeing could easily be the last ones I'll ever write. Am I really going to do this? ...yes. I have no energy left in my body to keep going any longer with myself. I get up, grab my coat and rush to the door leaving my computer open on my table. I don't even bother locking the door behind me after entering the cold outside world of New York city. The city of dreams has never been so sorrowful. Only a few cars and pedestrians pass along the way not knowing they would never see me again. Which could be easily the last thing on their mind. New York city deserves to be called the city of strangers because of the way so many people cross each other on the streets each day without even looking at each other or acknowledging one another's presence. Maybe it's better this way. Avoiding any contact that could lead to any further attachments. And so, people don't go through the pain of not seeing each other anymore. All that until they forget each other's existence and move on with their lives. I wish I could have done that with them. Forget it all ever happened, bring us all back in time and live our lives side by side again. Life was easier back when I had them. Now, here I am walking to the nearest bridge in town. The cold air strikes my dehydrated throat that desperately needs water after only feeding on monsters for the past weeks. I've been sleeping 2 hours each night for as long as I can remember. Sleeping brings me memories I wish to erase from my mind forever. And so, I am scared to fall asleep. I choose to feed off high in caffeine drinks to keep myself awake during the night. I know it isn't good but, with my parents out of the house for a few weeks during the holidays, I am the one making the groceries. Well. now I won't have to anymore. Which brings me to where I am now. Only a few steps away from stepping on my death plate. No cars or souls to disturb me in my last few seconds of peace. This bridge is used rarely because of the new one they built last summer. Barely anyone comes here anymore. At this height, the hit of the water would kill me instantly, without any more pain. I step into the bridge with my head high and not looking back. I make my way silently to the center, my hand softly touching the fence between the road and the water. The cold black metal poles making the fence catches my attention as I watch it make its way higher into the sky to form an architectural roof. I can still see the stars waving through the holes. I'm at my final destination ready to face my murderer. I turn my body towards the water and peak my head slightly over the fence to watch it from a closer point of view. The waves are battling to know which is the biggest of them all. How can something so beautiful be so deadly? How can something so calm destroy villages? Yet, people still enjoy swimming in it knowing it could kill them faster than life ever could. One leg at a time over the fence, I am now facing the road. The few lights brightening the bridge sometimes flicker as if they're saying goodbye. Well, I like to think they're saying goodbye. I push my arms down on the pole to put my feet on it. My arms and the big center pole are the only thing keeping me on that fence. I turn my body towards the water once again, my toes gripping the few inches of metal I have. I place my right hand on the metal pole on my left to try and get closer to it. But, as I lay my hand on the pole, I don't feel the cold of the metal but a soft light material.