Weakness (Zuodeng)

Nine

“Hi,” Zuo said to Zhixin at breakfast.
Zhixin had already finished his breakfast, he was now on his cell phone. He looked up at Zhixin who had just taken his tray of breakfast and was probably not going to eat with his friends because he was late.

“Hey.” Zhixin answered.

“Can I sit?” he asked. There was only Zhixin and Xinhao on the table. Most of the others were done and had left the eating area, while others were still sitting on other tables conversing.

Zhixin shrugged, and Zuo took it as a ‘yes’, even though it was probably an ‘I don’t care.
Zuo sat down next to Zhixin and looked at him, but he was now busy on his cell phone once again.

“Zhixin,” Zuo suddenly started after jabbing his chopsticks into his rice. “I thought about what you said and I…well why can’t we be friends? I really want us to be friends, it seems there’s nothing wrong with being friends anyway.”

Zhixin looked up from his phone and laughed awkwardly. “I don’t want to be friends.”

“Why not?” Zuo pushed on. “Zhixin do you know that I gave up everything just to…?”

“I don’t want to hear it.” he cut him. “I didn’t tell you to do all that Zuo. Could you please respect my choice?”

Zuo took a deep breath. “Zhixin please.”

“No.”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to be a bit nicer,” Jiaxin commented. He was on the table next to them the whole time, although none of them noticed because he was silently on his cell phone.

“Then why don’t you be his friend?” Zhixin answered. “Hey Zuo, look, someone wants to be your friend. He’s your roommate too isn’t he? You’ll learn to like each other.”

Zuo looked at Jiaxin as the tears from Zhixin’s words had already started to prick his eyes.

“Yeah I will be his friend, you shouldn’t think you’re so special that he needs you to be his friend.” Jiaxin answered.

“Great.” Zhixin turned to Zuo. “Go hang out with him, it seems he likes you.”

“What!? No!” Zuo overreacted, because he didn’t know the type of ‘like’ Zhixin was referring to. Whether he meant that Jiaxin liked him as a friend or something more. But if it was as something more, he didn’t want Zhixin to get the wrong idea.

Xinhao watched the scene awkwardly. Having seen it from the beginning, he didn’t want to witness the unamicable discussion between the former friends.

Zuo turned to Jiaxin. “Stay out of this!”

“What?” Jiaxin asked him in surprise. “I’m trying to help you, he’s being so mean to you.”

“I didn’t ask for your help! You don’t even know half of the story!” Zuo complained.

Jiaxin felt angry. He was already mad at Zuo for what had happened in the morning, and he kept adding one fault after the other. Maybe Jiaxin should have really decided to stay out of Zuo’s business, but he found himself trying to protect his roommate and perhaps the prettiest boy he had ever seen. But it didn’t matter what he looked like, he was a pain to deal with.

“Yeah ok fine.” Jiaxin answered and walked off.

“Zhixin,” Zuo continued, turning back to Zhixin.

Zhixin instead looked at Xinhao. “I think we’re done eating right? Let’s go.”

The two friends got up from their seats and left the table, leaving Zuo alone. Zuo watched as Zhixin walked off with Xinhao. He wanted to go after him and beg, but he felt that he had done enough that day. He took a few bites of his rice, before he realized he couldn’t eat.

He sadly dumped the food in the trash and went to his room.