Weakness (Zuodeng)

Twenty-One

Zuo returned to the practice room and found Jiaxin looking himself in the large mirror and holding the handrails of the dance practice room.

“Hey we should go have a shower and go to bed now right?” Zuo asked him.

Jiaxin looked down at the floor. “I saw that.”

“What?”

“He kissed your cheek.”

“Oh,” Zuo stammered in realization. “Well he kissed my cheek, not the other way round.”

“You put your hand on your cheek like it was something so beautiful.” Jiaxin looked up from his shoes and turned to Zuo. “It’s obvious you liked it. Didn’t you?”

Zuo shook his head. “I didn’t.”

“You did.” Jiaxin sighed. “I don’t want to play second fiddle to anyone, so if you love Zhixin and maybe you guys have fixed things…that’s good for you. But you should have told me rather than led me on to believe you and I are a thing.”

“It’s not like that.”

“Then what is it? Who do you love between Zhixin and me?” Jiaxin looked him in the eye.
Zuo looked down to the floor, avoiding eye contact with him.

“I thought so,” Jiaxin dropped the towel he had used to wipe Zuo’s sweat. “Congrats that you’re back together, I guess he’s your boyfriend now.”

Zuo watched as Jiaxin left the room. He guiltily and slowly picked up the towel that was on the floor. He wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing, but he loved Zhixin. He wondered if he actually loved Jiaxin. Now he was in an awkward situation where he would still have to room with someone who was probably mad at him.

#

In the next days, Jiaxin had moved to Ji’s room. He practically spent every moment in there, except when he needed to get some clothes from his old room. Other than that, he was never in there. Jiaxin never even bothered to talk to Zuo, and neither did he. They had quickly become enemies.

In the next days, however, Zuo had to pretend to be very sick. He gave himself a false fever every time by placing a hot water bottle on his head a few minutes before the staff came to check on him. He didn’t get out of bed either, and even though it was incredibly tiresome and boring, he had done it for a total of 5 days before the staff concluded that he was unfit to be on the cover of Cosmopolitan.

“Zuo,” Zhixin walked into his room one warm afternoon while Zuo was still in the warm blankets. He was literally sweating, but he didn’t want to get out of bed because he had to pretend he felt cold. “The staff just told me that Cosmopolitan wants me back. They want me on the cover in your place.”

“Really?” Zuo sat up. “That’s so great! I’m so happy for you!”

“Thanks Zuo.” Zhixin said as he sat down on Zuo’s bed. “I couldn’t have done this without you. It means so much and I’ll never forget it.”

“You’re welcome.” he blushed a little.
Zhixin leaned in and hugged him, and Zuo wrapped his arms around him as well. Zuo’s heart leapt, because these were the moments he missed the most. He loved Zhixin so much that he would have done anything for him.