Recollections of a Wounded Soul

Again, Really.

A Trip down memory lane...

Have you ever had a time when you suddenly are hit with a memory and it may be something that you may not want to face but it is so clear that it causes you to be thrown off? This happened to me.
It's girls day. I was spending time with my children and a friend of theirs. In the midst of that, I had a moment when I remembered being raped by someone. I called him my friend however, in hindsight held was never my friend. Supposedly, if I remember correctly he was actually interested in a friend of mine. He invited us to a party. It was a Saturday night but for reasons I don't remember my girl couldn't go. I was feeling "accepted" and thought I could go if, it was okay with my girlfriend. He called me and we talked about what time the party was and because he had a car he could pick me up. We never made it to the party.

He picked me up. When I asked him where the party was he never told me. He drove me around, he started asking me did I know where I was? Telling me that we were in a rough area, I was unfamiliar with. Then he drove to a secluded area and threatened me with putting me out of his car in that area. He didn't say " do this or else" he just started touching me and aggressively telling me not to fight. When he pushed the seat back and climbed on top of me I couldn't believe this was happening. He then proceeded to pull at my clothes and force himself on me.
I thought he was a friend and now realize that he wasn't a friend to anyone not even himself. He had even brought a condom so as not to get me pregnant. So what that tells me is when he invited me out he already planned to have "sex"with me even when I had no such plan.

It reminds me of how poor my choices have been throughout my life and how that because I didn't know how to really see people for who they were I ended up being raped again.