Crackerjack II

Chpt. 23: Sense of Self

Kristen woke with an intense feeling of homesickness. Groggy from the too-long nap, she wasn't able to process the emotion. She thought of Filia, and a new branch of loneliness grew. She sighed and reached for her boots, attempting to banish the hindering fog. She had other things to think of, anyway, like Scorch's individuality.

She was still turning that particular concept over in her mind when she returned to the conservatory. Scorch was snapping at a blue-tinted dragon. He and the gray blur wrestled and chirruped like toddlers who hadn't yet learned the harshness of the world. A golden dragon clicked in her throat, and the two males' heads raised toward the door. 

Kristen blinked and waved. That was stupid. Dragons didn't wave.

 Scorch shoved the gray dragon and trotted her direction. When he reached her, she shifted her weight. Then, realizing how long she'd been standing there, she grimaced and hurried out the door. 

On the return trip, she devoted her brain power to keeping her emotions from awakening the bond while simultaneously poking at the concept of Scorch's own emotions. Why was the idea of him with feelings so worrying? She swallowed. Because then, she could hurt them, provoke them, and a dozen other methods of alienating what should be her most intimate relationship.

She scurried into the cabin and up the ladder before Scorch had climbed the stairs. Buried under the blankets, Kristen was warmed by a sense of security she knew was false. But whatever worked.

Scorch's head eased above the loft's floor, eyes narrow. Kristen pretended not to see. Questioning filled the bond.

"I'm tired, Scorch."

He snorted and dipped his chin.

"G'night."

After Kristen rolled over, Scorch slowly sank below the loft. She regulated her breathing, but her mind was active late into the night, trying to plan a way to connect with her dragon as more than a ride and rider.

~

"You're having social anxiety about hanging out with your dragon?" Drea slipped a book onto the shelf as she shook her head. "I mean, your brains are literally joined together."

Kristen groaned and tugged at her hair. "I know! It should not be this hard. Do you have any suggestions f'r, you know, gettin' to know him?"

Drea pursed her lips. "Well, the psyche of a dragon isn't the topic of many projects, since each dragon is unique and riders don't usually need help to learn about them." She shrugged. "Go about it like you would with a person you wanted to be friends with."

"But he can't talk to me!" Kristen chewed the inside of her lip. "And I don't know how to be friends with someone without talkin' with them."

"Then talk with him." Drea cocked her head. "He'll learn how to talk, eventually. Until then, he's a dragon with a brain. He knows what you're saying and will do his best to reply."

Kristen nodded slowly with a sigh. "That makes sense, I guess."

"Good. 'Cause I was totally spouting." Drea grinned at Kristen's expression. "Don't stress! It'll come naturally."

"If it's real."

Drea frowned. "You're still doubting your connection?"

Kristen blushed, making a mental note of Drea's exceptional hearing.

"Kristen, you have the worst self-confidence I've ever seen."

"Well," Kristen flapped her hands, "I can't help it! He's a dragon, one of the most majestic creatures to ever walk the planet. And I'm a human, one of the most destructive things on the earth's surface." She sighed. "And I'm not even that good at readin' other humans' emotions. How am I supposed to get to know a dragon when they give no inklin's whatsoever?"