Names In The Night [COMPLETED]

Hello, old friend.

Hello, dear readers. It's been quite some time, hasn't it. Some updates:

I'm in college now. I made it out of that hell-hole that was my hometown. I live in a big city. I even got to see BVB live for the first time ever just this past year. I was in the front row and Andy held the mic out to me to sing. It truly was a fanfic-worthy moment.

I do not understand how there are still people reading this. I tried to reread it myself when I found it on my laptop, and I couldn't get through the first page without cringing terribly. My, how my style was awful. Such an obvious self-insert. I stopped writing stories for a while, focusing exclusively on poetry, but I started again in 2019. It's all very NSFW, and for very unrelated fandoms, so I won't direct anyone to my current page.

There are some of you reading this who relate to the female lead that I wrote. Victims of abuse, bullying. Self-harm addicts, both current and recovered. People who've tried to punctuate their life's end earlier than fate intended. I wrote this story (in middle school, might I add) because I was in that same place. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but with practice you get better at handling it. I still think about cutting, but I haven't done it since 2019. I've finally recovered from a life-long battle with eating disorders. But I'm here to tell you this: there is no one coming to save you. No boy can rescue you from your mind. They can help, sure, but it's like doing a lift in ballet; they can't lift your dead weight. You have to jump, too.

There is no time to waste. Do not wait for the feeling of steady hands wrapped around your waist. It's time to jump. You might land funny and hurt your ankle. You might have to jump a million times before your muscles are strong enough. But it is worth it. I promise. This is the one consciousness that your brain will experience. You have to power to try. I know you do.

Oh, and I don't think I ever told you my real name. Barely anyone in my personal life knows it since I had it changed. But you all are much more special than that. My mother named me Vivian. And I have named myself a whole host of other things.

Be good.
-Vivian