watch your back

chapter 5

i had been lying awake for about two hours now. after the announcement, i had walked straight away, trying not to think about what i had committed myself to. then, in my room, that didn't feel like anyone's room yet, being completely empty except for a bed, closet and a clock, i had started to panic. there was only a certain amount of time i could keep this up. this pretending. i wasn't sure of anything, i knew i couldn't trust anyone and it was so grueling. there was a reason i was here, it wasn't like i didn't have the chance to run away when the avengers came to „free" us. they had such an arrogant self-image. god. i was angry. i could feel it in my limbs, my jaw, everywhere. my body almost ripped with tension. then the images came flashing back. me in my room in the mansion, playing the guitar, practicing a song. the first explosion. alarms blaring and my door suddenly unlocking. outside, immeasurable chaos. people were running around, children, adults, smoke was coming from somewhere and pieces of furniture were lying about. but despite all of that i had only one thought: elizabeth. i needed to get to her. then i heard the second explosion, people were fighting, screaming, yelling. i stumbled through the dust, coughing, my eyes watering. i had to get to her room, had to get out of there with her.
suddenly i snapped out of it. i couldn't stand it anymore. my eyes were burning and then i punched the wall. one time, two times, three, four, i lost count. tears were streaming down my face, my hand was blue and red and when i stopped i couldn't move it anymore.
fuck this, i thought. then i went to get some ice.

i was sneaking down the stairs, decided to refrain from running, because it was exhausting and my head was still killing me from my last trip. the wound was almost healed, i healed faster than others, because of whatever malum had decided to put into my body, but i had an incredibly annoying headache since i was here. probably because i worried too much about elizabeth. i forced myself to think about something else as soon as her name came up.
the tall hallways with the big windows were something i wasn't used to at all, a complete opposite to the mansion. the only thing similar was that they were both a maze. i passed walls with huge paintings, a bridge from which you could see to the last floor, where apparently the vehicles were stored, and while walking i kept touching the walls, trying to understand the freedom i now had. at the end i felt that i found the kitchen rather fast for someone who had absolutely no sense of orientation. i could see that the lights were on and sighed. i had hoped to avoid conversation.
„didn't think anyone else was up at this hour.", tony stated, not looking up. he was fiddling with something small and mechanic. there was an unfinished sandwich lying on the counter.
„you came to get food?", he asked and then looked up. his gaze fell straight to my hand that i was holding in front of me like a wounded dog and i dropped it immediately.
„no, i just... need some ice.", i responded, haltingly. this was immensely uncomfortable.
„sure thing, kiddo.", tony replied. i exhaled. he made it feel just a bit more like something that wasn't... what this was. like i wasn't making him go out of his way for anything.
„what are you working on?", i asked, meaning the thing he had just put down next to his sandwich.
„well...", he started, a smile forming around his lips, „this was supposed to be a little surprise, but since i saw what you could do, i figured you might need something of an upgrade to your jeans and t-shirt."
i frowned.
„what do you mean?"
he was bowed over the freezer, rummaging loudly, looking for ice.
„im making you a suit is what i mean."
my eyes widened. he was making me what?
„you really don't need to-"
stark interrupted me immediately.
„no, no, no, i don't wanna hear it."
„you don't need to make me a suit. im fine running like this.", i said, ignoring him.
„that's very humble of you, but you might need it, going into battle with us more often."
he got up from the freezer, holding a pack of ice in his hand.
„there you go.", he said, passing me the ice, smiling. i took it, staring at him.
"i think you misunderstood.", i said, my voice firm. "i'm not here to become one of you. i'm not here to go into battle."
tony looked at me for a few seconds, then he sighed and sat down on one of the barstools.
"then what are you here for?"
i didn't move. not even my face. i tried to look as stoic as possible.
„helping you fix your mistake. not making it
worse."
"we didn't plan the mission to go that way, alright? we wanted to provide a safe home for these children, we didn't want them to end up locked away."
i still didn't move a muscle. he looked at me for a bit in silence, then he seemed to slowly understand.
„listen...i think i owe you an apology.", he looked unusually bashful. „i saw you jump and i couldn't... i couldn't let you."
the way he said it felt like a huge sword pierced through my body, head to toe. i wanted to tell him he wasn't to blame, but the rest of the flashbacks filled my mind.
i was dashing to lizzies room, it was incredibly noisy everywhere. malum had performed another experiment on me just a day before, so i couldn't use my powers to get there. when i reached her room, it was empty. the door was just holding onto one of the hinges, dangling in the air.
„lizzie!", i yelled out, desperate. i turned around, only to see captain america slam a guardian into a wall. i remember how surreal it all felt. suddenly, the guy i now knew as clint dropped down in front of me.
„we don't want to hurt you.", he said, his voice calm but cautious. „we just want to get you out of here."
he had his hands in front of his chest, trying to show me that he really meant it, but i couldn't care less about why any of the avengers were here at the moment. i turned away from him and planned to go to malums bureau next. she would have come to my room straight away, she wouldn't have left, so he must've took her. i remember how sure i was and how i still intently wished to be wrong. as i was about to leave, clint grabbed my shoulder.
„please come with me. peacefully.", he tried, but i wasn't having it. who did he think he was? destroying the only place i had to live and expecting me to come without any resistance or doubt? as if i didn't have anything that was important to me. his grip around my shoulder tightened. i sighed. i would have to run. and it would hurt.
a split second later i was sprinting to malums quarter. he liked to call it his office. i barely made it there and when i stopped running, i had to groan of pain and bend over. it felt like one hundred tiny needles were sticking in my ribs. every breath felt terrible, but i kept going.
„lizzie!", i yelled again, this time through gritted teeth.
„flo!", her voice shouted back. a wave of relief filled me and gave me strength to continue. i stumbled over rocks that covered the floor and turned the corner. i could now see malums whole room and my eyes widened with surprise. the whole back side of his room was blasted away, the cold winter air was blowing through the room mercilessly. behind it was iron man, floating in mid air, shooting at malum. and with malum was elizabeth, he dragged her around like she was a dog on a leash.
„lizzie!", i shouted. it seemed to be the only word i remembered. it seemed to be the only important word.
when they turned around and saw me, it felt like time was slowing down. i looked at them, one by one. iron man's eyes were glowing at me, i must've confused him. malums eyes had that manic glare, that would always come out in dangerous situations. in situations he was superior in. and elizabeth's eyes were full of fear. i would never forget those eyes. how they screamed at me for help. and how they disappeared a moment later. he had used her to get away. i dropped down on my knees, screaming. all the tears i had been holding back now ran over my cheeks. he took her. that was it.
i remember how cold it was, that i must've shivered the whole time. i remember iron man coming down next to me, putting a metal hand on my back. i remember not caring at all. he was saying something to me, but i didn't hear it, i was in some kind of trance. i decided to run up to the roof.
i could barely stand when i got there, my power reserves were empty. she gone. he's going to kill her, it echoed through my head. i was on the highest point of the building. and without a second thought, i jumped down. tears were still running over my cheeks, but as i was falling, they dried and i closed my eyes, accepting what was about to come. and just as i thought that this was it, just when i thought i could finally rest, he caught me. it was his cold metal that i felt first. i opened my eyes in panic and saw the glowing lights. iron man. i think i resisted his grip, wanted to free myself, but that was where my memory got blurry. somewhen i must've resigned, because the next time i woke up was tied to a chair.

i opened my eyes. playing all of it back had made me sweat of fear.
„florence?", tony asked, carefully.
„i wanted to...", i said, my voice crumbling.
his features turned soft. „i know you did. but whoever it was this guy took, she needs you."
i stared at him, not quite believing the audacity he had to say that.
„she's with him because of you!", i yelled, dropping the ice. „because you thought you could swoop in and save all of us! you have no fucking idea what you did!"
i was hot with anger. tony frowned.
„we did our best. we thought-"
„i don't give a shit about what you thought!"
„we were trying to help!", stark had been calm, but now he was yelling too. „i'm deeply sorry that it happened to you, i am, but we aren't the ones to blame!"
surprised by his sudden outburst, i stayed quiet, only my hands trembling. without another word i took the bag of ice and stormed off to my room. already on the stairs i was crying again. fuck.