watch your back

chapter 7

i had been rather surprised by yelenas openness and i felt myself struggling with it. i wasn't used to people being like that, i wasn't used to them being nice. and i know how simple this sounds, but the people malum had hired that accompanied us throughout our day, were never nice. they barely even talked to us. we weren't allowed to do much with the other children, we were mostly either locked away or taken to experiments. elizabeth had been the only one i had throughout all this time, to keep me sane. to keep me good.
"what are you thinking about?", yelena asked, while we got into a car.
"just... shopping.", i replied. i wouldn't actually tell her the truth about what i was thinking.
"relax. it's going to be great."
yelena started driving and as soon as we got out on the highway, i had to grab the handle at the car roof. she was quite the reckless driver. and i had never been in a car before.
"what?", yelena looked at me playfully. "never been in a car before?"
i shook my head, holding on tighter.
"oh.", she said, her face forming a grimace that was probably meant to look like she was sorry but ended up looking like she just suppressed laughter.
"very funny.", i said, grimly.
"no, no it's just-", she tried, but then she couldn't help anymore and burst into laughter.
"look at the street!", i yelled panicky, seeing how she drifted a little bit into the other lane.
"alright, alright.", she said, still grinning. "i'll slow down."
"thank you."
i exhaled.
"you know, for someone who can run that fast, i really thought you were more resistant to speed."
"it's not... not about the speed. when i run, i control it."
"and you don't control the car.", yelena concluded, nodding. "i understand."
i bit my inner cheek. i hated when people said that. they understand. because mostly it just was a misconception. why did i even tell her?
for the rest of the drive i was quiet, looking out the window. i ought to be more careful.

we got out in front of a huge mall. the parking lot was full with cars in all shapes and colors and i could see people everywhere. i had never seen so many people in one place, except for in a few movies maybe. they were all flocking inside the big, masonry building and through the windows i could see even more streams of people moving in one communal speed. it reminded me of something malum had said once. "people are like tiny, unimportant ants striving for self-realization through the most mundane things." he used to be like that a lot. condescending. and he kept telling us we were something different, something better. i've never associated these words with each other. different and better. they were never in any correlation for me.
"you coming?", yelena asked.
i looked at her, squinting at the winter sun that was shining on her blonde hair. she was smiling and looked so pure, that i couldn't help but smile back.
„yeah.", i replied, nodding.
we entered the building with all the other people and i couldn't stop turning around, looking everywhere, wanting to see everything at once.
„hey, hey, don't get lost!" yelena pulled me back to her.
„it's so huge!", i said, turning, trying to get a look at everything. the mall had extremely high walls, with a glass arch as a roof and expensive looking chandeliers hanging down from it. the walls were made out of marble and there were windows everywhere, giving the whole building even more room. everything looked expensive. i suddenly turned to yelena, realizing something.
„i don't have any money.", i said. a knot formed in my stomach. that was it, i thought. the trip was over.
„oh that's no problem.", belova just replied, now also looking around the mall, probably searching for something. „stark is like filthy rich. he'll pay."
„what?!" stark couldn't pay for me, i couldn't ever pay him back. her lack of concern confused me.
„you don't understand.", my voice was now firm, so that she would finally look at me. „i can't pay him back. i don't have anything. and i don't know how to get a job or earn money or..."
„don't be stupid!", she interrupted me, tutting. „you don't need to pay tony back. he won't even notice that we paid with his card."
„how did you get his card?"
„i took it." she shrugged.
„so you asked him?"
yelena just waved it off.
„he brought you here, didn't he? he can at least get you some decent clothes."
after a short sting of guilt i decided that i couldn't argue with her logic. he did bring me to the avengers. so he owed me clothes. that made perfect sense.
„ah, i found it!", yelena said, striding towards one of the stores. i followed her, struggling not to bump into every single person standing in my way.
„we'll start here."

the shop was huge too. there were clothes everywhere. jeans, shirts, pants, dresses, hats, shoes, everything.
„this is incredible!", i said, stunned. i had been in stores before, of course, but none had had a variety that wide.
„okay, now you pick what you like.", yelena said.
„what i like?", i asked, tilting my head. then my gaze fell on a young woman, that somehow stood out of the crowd.
„i like what she's wearing.", i said.
„the brunette?"
„yeah."
yelena scanned the woman.
„we can start with her jeans. these are called mom jeans i think."
„mom jeans?" that sounded odd.
„or high waist jeans."
i arched my eyebrows. i didn't know clothes had all these kinds of names.
the next few hours we spent trying on clothes. this shirt, those pants, that jacket, these shoes. we went from store to store and every time i thought that i had tried on all clothes possible, yelena came with a new piece.
„that's impossible!", i groaned.
„not for me.", she just shrugged, grinning. „go on."
„fine.", i accepted my fate.
at the end we had a dozen bags to carry, dragging ourselves through the crowd.
„i didn't know shopping would that exhausting.", i said, sweating already. i had my old jacket on, a brown duvet jacket, that didn't look very nice but did an excellent job at keeping me warm. a little too excellent for the circumstances maybe.
„it's all about training.", yelena replied. „you get used to it."
„so you shop a lot?"
„no, i just assume that's how it works."
she pursed her lips and i had to laugh.
„wow, i don't think i ever heard you laugh before.", she said, sounding honestly surprised.
„well it's not like we've known each other that long."
„i suppose that's true."

we were on the third floor and i looked down over the railing, craning my neck to see as much as possible. there was a water pool with coys swimming inside down on the first floor. at once, a huge water fountain shot through the oval, open space that i was leaned over and went up to the fifth floor.
„holy!", i shot back from the railing.
yelena laughed at me and i blinked a couple of times, to make sure i didn't imagine that huge water jet shooting up to the ceiling right in front of my face.
„cool, isn't it?"
„very cool.", i replied dryly. suddenly, my gaze fell onto a store, down on the first floor.
„oh my god!", i exclaimed.
how did we miss that?!
i ran down the stairs, pushing people aside, hearing yelena shout behind me, but i kept going, not taking my eyes of the store. right in front of the big display window i came to a halt and felt yelena bump into me.
„ouch.", she said. „you have very sharp shoulders."
i heard her, but i was too busy staring at the guitars through the store window to answer.
„can we go inside?"
i felt like a little kid, but i didn't care much at that moment.
„sure.", belova replied.
we walked into the store and a comfortable coolness surrounded me. with all the running around, i had felt hot this whole time and coming in here was a kind of relief. there was music coming from somewhere, bowie, giving the whole store a nice atmosphere.
„so, guitars?", yelena asked.
i nodded, focused on all the different kinds hanging on the walls or standing neatly on the ground.
„i used to play a lot, back... there. it was the only thing that really felt like my own. i could distract myself with it."
i said all that without thinking about it, gently touching an acoustic guitar hanging from the wall.
„they're so pretty.", i marveled.
„then we should get you one, shouldn't we?"
i looked at her, my eyes big. then i came to my senses.
„they're really expensive.", i replied. my voice had lost the dreamy touch it had just now.
„don't look at the price!"
yelenas eyes were glowing. was she excited for me?
„i can't not look at the price! stark really can't pay for all of this! especially not after i've been such an asshole the other night."
„what?" she looked at me, confused.
my gaze wandered to the ground.
"we fought, i think."
"about what?"
"about... the fact that he brought me here. that he wanted me to fight with all of you. made me a suit."
the blonde carefully touched my shoulder. i flinched at the touch.
"listen, tony can be a real jerk sometimes, okay? we all fight with him from time to time. and we all know that this has to be hard for you."
yelena was looking at me, her eyes gentle. i felt like throwing up.
"whatever." i tried my best to sound like i didn't care. i walked out the store and tried to control the anger rising inside of me. that goddamn pity. i didn't need that. why did i even bring stark up?
"hey!", she shouted, walking behind me. "i'm sorry if i upset you but you can't just leave like that!"
i kept walking. she reached me and pulled me back at my arm. i jerked away.
"let's just drop it.", i said, pressing my lips together.
yelena frowned, now a little angry too.
"alright let's just fucking drop it.", she replied.

in the parking lot she got into the car and locked it from inside. i rattled at the door, but she just shouted: "i reckon you can just walk back, can't you?" and then she drove away, tires screeching from the sudden speed.
i sighed, watching her.