watch your back

chapter 10

the next time i woke up natasha was bent over me, her face a in a frown of worry. when she saw my open eyes, she exhaled softly. then her face turned serious again and she sat down next to my bed.
"so i'm not dead.", i concluded, my voice feeble.
"no, you're not.", romanoff replied, the stern look not leaving her face.
"my metabolism, isn't it?"
she nodded. my body was too fast for george's toxin to kill me. still, i felt awful. i stared at the ceiling for a bit, trying to remember what had happened.
"how long was i...?", i began, but my voice succumbed.
"not too long. a couple hours now, maybe.", after she looked at my questioning face again, she added: "they got to him. tony was quite mad though."
"at me?"
natasha didn't reply, she only gave me a reproachful look. i didn't know what that meant so i just sighed. then we sat in silence, until i fell into an uncomfortable sleep.

it must've been the middle of the night when i woke up for the second time, because natasha was still there, but she was fast asleep, curled up in the big, leather armchair next to my bed. i wondered if it had always been there or not, but i couldn't remember. on the bright side, i felt much better. sleeping had recharged me and i carefully inspected my arm. there was a bandage around the wound, but in my curiosity i removed it meticulously. after i saw what was underneath i wished i would've just left it as it was. there were two deep scratches that were only halfway healed. a little blood was still coming out, but the grossest thing was the greenish edge of the forming scab. i felt queasy after looking at it and quickly put the gauze back on, a little messier than it was before.
after another five minutes of restlessness, the hunger that plagued me became too much and i decided to get some food from the kitchen. just as i opened the door as silently as i could i heard someone murmur from behind me.
"you're not supposed to be up, you know."
i closed my eyes shortly, feeling caught.
"i'm just getting some food.", i replied, matching her voice volume. thinking that the conversation was over with that, because she didn't reply, i made my way down into the kitchen. i wasn't too steady on my feet yet, so i had to take a little break on the stairs and regain my balance, but then i reached my destination without any other incidences. i looked into the fridge and found nothing that matched my appetite so i searched through the cupboards. in the last one i found some chocolate cookies and decided that these would do. when i turned around to sit at the table, i flinched.
"what the hell?", i asked, reproachfully.
natasha had suddenly appeared, like a ghost sneaking up on me.
"sorry.", she yawned. "habit."
we both sat and i opened my pack of cookies.
"that's not very nutritious for someone who nearly died."
i shrugged. "what can i say? i'm a sucker for chocolate."
after the first bite i knew i was going to eat the whole pack. these cookies were amazing.
"you didn't have to come and babysit me, you know?", i said, munching.
"i do, actually. im supposed to watch you for a bit."
"pff.", i said, grabbing the next cookie. natasha ran her hand through her hair, mindlessly, making me stare. it looked messy, but good. i felt a sting of excitement looking at her, but i didn't quite know why. she was wearing a dark grey pulp fiction shirt and still looked a little sleepy. nothing special about that. she caught me looking at her and i lowered my gaze immediately, now inspecting my cookies.
"in fact, i'm supposed to babysit you for a little longer."
"what do you mean?", i glanced up at her.
"tony and steve both agreed with me that i should train you. with your speed, george should've never gotten to you."
i bit my inner cheek. but, surprisingly, i didn't get mad at her for saying that.
"i know.", i just admitted. "it's just..."
i didn't finish my sentence. i didn't even know what i wanted to say. how i wanted to say it.
"what?", nat asked.
i shook my head. "nothing."
"come on.", she pushed.
"no, really, i don't even know what i wanted to say."
she gave me a doubtful look and i sighed.
"fine." i hated how i gave into her.
„the speed... the running... it's really exhausting. i don't know what he did to my body, but it hurts sometimes. to use my powers. so when i try to use it, something in my brain just blocks it, because of the pain."
i saw how her expression changed into something that was almost pity, almost something that would've made me go silent, but not quite. it was more... empathy. like she understood.
"i'm sorry.", she said.
"no, no, it's okay, it's really no big deal."
then, her gaze fell on my arm. she frowned.
"did you take that off?"
"no?", i tried, scratching the back of my head.
natasha rolled her eyes and took the seat next to me, where she slowly took the bandage off again.
"it looks disgusting.", i said, while watching how her hands catiously undid layer after layer.
"it'll heal.", she replied and carefully took it off. romanoff got up to get a new bandage from the first aid kit that was stored in the kitchen cupboard for emergencies. she adjusted her chair and sat back down, applying the new gauze. as she did, her fingers gently stroked my skin and goosebumps ran down my back.
„i... i can do that myself.", i said, swallowing. what on earth was this feeling? and how do i get rid of it?
„yeah, i saw how you can do that yourself.", she retorted, seeming completely unbothered.
i looked her face up and down shortly, hoping she didn't notice. she did look very pretty, now that i came to think of it. why did i come to think of it?!
i looked away, focusing on the rest of my cookies, counting how many chocolate chip pieces were in each one.
„there you go.", nat said after what felt like an eternity of nervousness and sat back on her old seat.
„can i have one?", she pointed at the cookies.
„oh... sure.", i replied, handing her one and regretting that i didn't offer them myself.
„it'll scar, won't it?"
„probably.", nat nodded.
i looked down on the table, suddenly not hungry anymore. i already had a lot of scars all over my body from back there and i hated them. they felt like a reminder of all the things that could hurt me.
„i better go back to sleep.", i said absentmindedly.
romanoff frowned, but didn't stop me.
„sure. are you okay?"
„yeah, yeah i'm fine. just getting a little tired."
i walked back to my room alone, taking a pair of stairs each step and breathing heavily when i reached the top. i dropped into my bed only to stare at the ceiling for hours on end, wishing i was still so in pain that it would make me pass out. but i wasn't and i didn't fall asleep again, my mind circling around george and william and elizabeth and all the things my past brought with it. somewhen i watched the sun rise from my window. another day.