The Irish House

open the door

Being young in Toronto, and dancing on big stages all over the world.

Talking with past friends about the life we want together. 

Careers, house, jobs, family.

Such beautiful words and memories.

Why does it still feel far away?

The urge to keep on living.

Why are they far away? 

Vere Tas is gone, but it's all I wanted. I wanted to build my career there, and keep dancing. I thought I could endure their words, but they may have won in the end.

Without dance, what am I?

Half of my family doesn't even want me here.

Maybe all of them don't, and they're just... acting.

Everyday, I wake up and see the mess I made.

The trash I am.

No doctor can save something that will not get better.

It's too much.

Without the glue of everything and everyone that kept me whole, I'm just glass shattered on the floor.

Whatever it is, I have lost it all.

Life- 1, Noreen- 0.

------------------------------------

Knock, knock, knock.

"Noreen?"

They reach for the golden knob, but it doesn't budge.

They repeatedly bang on the door, shaking the walls. 

"Are you in there?"

Silence.

"I'm not playing with you Noreen, open up!"

"I swear if you...if you're...Noreen, Biko." 

Their voice breaks, and they struggle to inhale and formulate their next words, running their rough hands in their hair.

"Nor, Biko. I'm sorry. Please don't do this. I just want to help you."

They turn around and lean their back on the door, sliding down oh so slowly.

Their eyes become stained with tears, but no sound escapes from their mouth.

"You loved to sing Igwe by Midnight Crew. Couldn't even understand a lick of Igbo. But you would listen to Igwe in the morning, every single day. Always singing in the backyard, performing for anyone who was willing to listen, even when it was nobody. You also loved to play in the park. 'Take me to the park, push me on the swings. Push higher, push higher'."

They let out a laugh.

"I remember when we watched, what was it? Ah, Narnia. All of us in the living room, eating popcorn. How old were you, seven? One of the characters died, and you were so emotional. Crying like a mess. I think it was even a villain, but you cried. I felt like you reacted so dramatically because you had never seen death before. Not on the television, or in real life. You asked me if you would die, and I told you, no, you wouldn't die. I said, you will live a long, and healthy life. I wasn't willing to tell you the truth about life in that state, and age you were. Death, what a morbid thing. And yes, it's true. We die. Spiritually, mentally, and physically. But today is not your day. I reject it in the name of Jesus. You can't be the cause of your expiration date, Nor."

They pause.

"I feel like I'm reading a eulogy. And I don't know whether or not I should be calling the authorities right now, or breaking this door down. I don't know if a knife has pierced your neck, or if I am actually talking to someone who is still alive. I-
"It's a beautiful day outside, everyone is enjoying the sun. We are the only two in this house right now. The endless blue sky. Always wanting to go higher, and higher, until you reached the surface of it."

The silence hangs.

"You dey trouble me Noreen. You have always scared me, because you are so young and were so innocent, but you knew exactly what you wanted. You always took risks. And I... am so sorry. I wish I had told you sooner. I was just scared, because- you're my Nor girl. And I love you to the ends of this Earth."

They remove themselves form the floor, and say one final message,

"God promises to make something good out of the storms that bring devastation to your life."

Then they throw their body into the door, and it doesn't move. 

With all hope rapidly draining out of their body, they finally try the knob again.

And it opens with ease, revealing a ghastly sight.

Heaven sounds like a much nicer place.