5. SIX FEET UNDER

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This is a full english #jakehoonAU. I decided to use a different name for both, Geo (Jake) and Sean (Sunghoon). Hope you won't be confused. One thing to note as well, italicized parts are flashbacks. I will be editing and revising this when I have time but for now, enjoy! <3

SIX FEET UNDER
by: ellascribbled

JAKEHOON / GeoSean
tags: #angst #mcd #flashbacks


Geo sat on the cloth he laid on the slightly damp grass, head faced forward, seemingly staring at something, but was actually lost in woolgathering.

He sighed once, tightly squeezing his eyes shut after.

“Damn it,” he mumbled, brushing the tears that had unconsciously fallen on his cheeks.

Silly that the further he wipes it away, the more that it falls, and in a greater amount at that. It continuously poured the emotions that had bottled up inside him. It was emotionally frustrating and physically painful at the same time.

Surrendering, Geo dropped his hands and just allowed these crystals to flow down his face. His whimpers of sorrow, the whispers of the early morning breeze, creaks of tiny living creatures, and the singing of the birds every few seconds echoed in the place, accompanying the rushing memories that began bombarding his mind.

***

“Why do you always stand behind me during class pictorials?”

Sean smiled and said, “At last.”

“What?” baffled, Geo questioned.

”I want you to know that I'm always here for you. Behind you. Have you ever noticed?”

“Noticed what?”

“That in all those photos, I was looking at you. That was my unsaid promise since I was a kid. I will never look at and for anyone else but you.”

***
“These were all just a dream to me. Touching you. Kissing you, even holding you in my arms. I have never thought that these will come true. Thank you, Geo. Thank you for accepting me and for sharing a part of your heart to me. I love you so damn much.”

“You’re exaggerating!… I love you too, Sean.”

***
“I’m so weak.”

“Crying doesn’t make you weak, Geo. In fact, it means you’re strong. Strong enough to express what you’re feeling and brave enough to show it through your tears.”

“Sean…”

“Love… my Geo, please go easy on yourself. Rest if you’re exhausted. It’s fine to take a break sometimes. Cry. You can cry from time to time. And also, there’s nothing wrong with depending on someone if you can’t bear it alone anymore.”

“I don’t want to burden you.”

“Geo, you’re not and you will never be a burden to me. I am your boyfriend and this is what lovers do. I am your other half. As much as possible, I want to share everything with you, may it be happiness or pain.”

***
“Geo, honey,” Sean’s Mom called, pacing towards Geo who sat lost at the corner. “Do not ever blame yourself for what happened. He may be going to you that night, but what happened on his way was never your intention. It was an accident, Geo. None of this is your fault.”

***
The continuous buzzing of the phone on Geo’s pocket tugged him away from his recollection of the past he’d least wanted to remember for it solely causes him unending pain and longing.

Composing himself, he reached into the pockets of his black jeans and pulled his phone out. His heart stung upon seeing the name in which the caller was registered to. He could hardly gulp as if a lump had clogged his throat. However, the call ended without Geo answering.

He was about to breathe in relief when the phone buzzed again. Left with no other option, he pressed the green button.

“Heeseung,” he said in a greeting.

A deep sigh was heard on the other line before a man spoke, voice laced with worry. “Geo! Where are you? I’ve been calling you since last night but you never answered. Are you okay? Why didn’t you go home? I couldn’t sleep in anxiety that something had happened to you—”

“Shh,” he hushed to comfort the man. “I’m okay, so don’t worry. I’m sorry for not letting you know that I won’t be coming home. I just… I visited Sean—"

“You’re there again? Really? Until when are you going to keep coming back in that place, Geo?” Agitation now filled the man’s voice.

“Heeseung—"

“Stop. I don’t want to hear any more of your stupid excuses. Come home now.”

“I’ll be there in—” he was left in mid-sentence when the call abruptly ended.

He couldn’t help but sigh and take in the guilt that had crept on his heart. This was his fault. Entirely his fault for thinking he’d be able to move on and move forward if he accepts Heeseung in his life.

It has been six years after all… he thought that maybe, just maybe, it was about time for him to give himself the chance to find happiness once again. But he was wrong. He wanted to end it as soon as he realized, however, he was afraid. He was scared that he’d inflict too much pain to such a beautiful soul.

Heeseung… he’d done more than Geo could ask for. He was there on almost every step of his life, when he’s happy, when he’s breaking down, or when he’s too terrified to cry.

Nevertheless, his heart had never beat Heeseung’s name.

Sean. It’s still Sean after all these years.

His eyes, his smiles, his voice… everything’s just vivid on Geo’s mind. He had never forgotten though how much he tried. It was as if Sean engraved his name and memories on Geo’s entire being.

Geo straightened his back and wandered his eyes around. This place had changed over the years. Trees and grasses have grown tall and flowers have bloomed and dried many times already. It seems that everything and everyone else had already changed, except him and his feelings for the man who’s six feet under the stone tablet in front of him.

Slowly he stood up, finally able to calm down. Stains of dried tears covered his face, but he was so lost to mind. He glanced up and immediately covered his eyes as he was dazzled by the light. He watched the sun rose like a flower on it's peak of blooming and couldn’t help but wonder, “When? When will it be my turn? When will I be able to rise from this fall and bloom in happiness again? Will I ever be happy again? Will I be able to love again? Sean, please tell me."

END







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