Dear diary:
I cried myself to sleep again...
The worst part of when this happens along with the existencial crisis, my panic and anxiety attacks and all at the same time.
Is having to sob really quietly all the while feeling like I cannot breathe, questioning my existence, replanting myself my whole life, lamenting everything, hating everything.
And every night, sleepless nights full of this killing insomnia that's is plagued by bad memories or replaying failures again and again among other horrible things.
Not being able and still forcing myself out of bed the next morning pretending that nothing happened and playing golden perfect child again and again everyday.
And the thing is everyday it gets worse and I feel like I'm holding for dear life and the abuse also gets worse.
I feel so alone in this world, I have no one here and I wish I just had someone.
I'm so scared diary because I swear I'm trying but no matter how much I try, or fake it improve it's always back into this deep while that keeps getting deeper and I can't
I'm so broken
And it's difficult when even my own mind seems to play games and trick me, be against itself and doesn't even agree with itself
With no help and no one
Just me and my messed up entirely broken self begging the titan for it to be all over because I can't anymore
So tell me what to do because the storm is here but never any sign of sun or at least the storm being weaker
If anything it seems to always get worse and I'm trapped in the middle of it, with no protection or anywhere to go
Just drowning and burning in it
If only I could express everything I feel because I can't even seem to express it here
I express a lot but it's still not all
But I feel like I just can't
Well I guess that's all for today diary
