what money can buy | jjk

09

"All you wanted was a friend..."

It's been right there, the entire time. He just overlooked it. The description displayed on your profile flashes in his mind.

'New in town, looking to help out in exchange for friendship.'

You nod. "Pathetic, right? But you made me so happy. Just... having someone whose sole requirement was money... It was nice to not have to wonder, you know?"

Every word you say, feels like they're carefully chosen with the purpose to deliver as much damage to his heart as possible. So many questions, but Jeongguk needs to focus on one thing before he can start to untangle the web.

"It's not pathetic," he assures, causing you to meet his eyes. "But what do you think of me then? Am I... a friend?"

"Well, there's no going back for us, so I might as well... I do consider you a friend. I even started crushing on you," you admit with a little, sad laugh.

Jeongguk doesn't know what to think. You were crushing on him? Too? Like he was practically in love with you?

"But don't worry, I was just gonna keep that to myself and let it pass. I know you said you're into someone already. So I'm very sorry for what I did."

"Wait. Why are you sorry?"

"For taking advantage of you. I just—I never planned on sleeping with you, but then you kissed me, and I just couldn't..."

A second is all it takes for Jeongguk to lose it. All the anxiety and hurt he's felt simply lets him go, and it feels like a rubber band snaps somewhere in his body. You're undoubtedly surprised at his outburst, but he can't help it.

"You're almost as dumb as I am."

"What?"

"I wanted to sleep with you, you didn't take advantage of me."

"But you said that you did it because I paid you. You thought I expected it from you, and that you owed it to me."

That's the thing that wipes the shocked smile from Jeongguk's lips. He honestly didn't remember that, but now that you bring it up, it starts to come back. You observe him with a knowing look.

"I didn't mean it like that," he stumbles a little over his words, unsure of how to convince you. "At first, I thought you just wanted someone to fuck, and I was a little hesitant about sleeping with anyone for money, but when I got to know you... I stopped worrying, and I—I wanted it."

"Doesn't change the fact that you had sex for money. And I'm the one who paid you. That's unethical and illegal."

"Listen to me," Jeongguk pleads, "I was the one who instigated it, and I wanted it. If anything, I did it despite the money, not for it."

"I don't understand. If you didn't mind it, then why did you get so upset when I didn't wanna talk about it?"

"Because I thought it meant the same for you as it did for me. I realize now that you paid me because you felt guilty, right?"

You nod, and among the sadness that lingers, there seems to be some sort of curiosity, too.

"I thought you paid me because you regretted sleeping with me and didn't want to talk feelings. I thought that you thought that I was becoming too attached and that you wanted to pretend it never happened."

"But didn't you just say that you thought I only wanted sex?"

"Yeah... That's the thing, I never knew what you wanted from me."