Rose

No Love

Pacing back and forth in my room after the graduation ceremony, I just couldn't believe that high school was finally over. After finding myself reminiscing over the last four years which included the good times and the bad, I was eager to put the past behind me and focus on what was in front of me, my future. I ended up laying in my bed just realizing that In less than a week, I'd be transitioning into adulthood.

I was so excited to turn 18. I was about to become a real woman. I just kept on envisioning myself being released from the shackles of my strict parents. But, I wouldn't be able to have the sense of the freedom that I greatly desired until I moved away for college in the fall.

I just couldn't wait any longer for my 18th birthday to come around. I took off my graduation cap, and gown while I still had my rainbow patterned maxi dress that my mom had picked out for me when we went outfit shopping the week prior to graduation. I looked absolutely horrible in the dress, and I couldn't fake a smile when pictures were being taken of me, because I was so upset about my outfit. But, my mother didn't care. The rule is that if she pays for it, then she has to approve of it.

I walked to my closet, and picked out the silky gold mini dress that I bought when I went shopping with my best friend Maliyah. I had hidden it towards the end of my closet so that it wouldn't be visible to anyone when I first opened my closet. However, I intended to wear the dress for my graduation dinner.

I took off my rainbow patterned maxi dress, and threw it on the bed. I then walked back to my mirror with the silky gold mini dress in my hand, and put it on. The first thing that I noticed immediately was that the dress went above my knees.

"Ain't no way they're gonna let me wear this.", I said.

I looked damn good in the dress. I felt beautiful, and confident. But, fear immediately came over me. I was worried about the insults that my parents would give me.

"They will not marry you!"

"ASHAWO! Are you not ashamed?!"

"Did I send you to school to follow boyfriend???"

It was almost as if I could hear my parents yelling these things to me in the moment. Being brought up in a Nigerian household, my parents instilled in my siblings, and I that our education is a friend that will never betray us. For that reason, I always put my head in my books and considered everything else around me to be a distraction, especially men.

Growing up, I always went straight home after school dismissal.

Home.

School.

Home.

Was my routine every school day.

And on the weekends my routine would be,

Home

Study

Sweep the whole house

Study

Wash the dishes

Study

Cook a meal upon my mother or fathers' request

Study

I just couldn't take it anymore, I wanted to be free...

My parents never allowed me to go out, and hangout with a friend unless it was someone that they knew. But sometimes, they still wouldn't let me go out at all because they said I should stay at home and study instead of "wasting my life" with friends.

I've never had a boyfriend, let alone kiss nor touch a man. But, I know that things are going to be way different while I'm away at college, because my parents won't be breathing down my neck every waking moment. I can envision my dream man being tall, dark, handsome, with pearly white teeth, and a nice fade. Only in my dreams of course, because no such man would ever be interested in a girl like me. Timid, and insecure.

You would think that a girl like me, who has been the "golden child" her entire life would have a lot of confidence. But, you're wrong. I've always been the child to try to please her family so they would be happy. I never ever thought of my own happiness. I'm on a journey to getting to know myself, and what I like. Hopefully, college is going to be able to help me with that.

"ROSE!", my father shouted from downstairs.

"Are you not ready?!"

"Yes dad! Coming!", I said.

I was still wearing the silky gold mini dress, looking at myself in the mirror, still contemplating on whether or not I should choose the outfit to wear for my graduation dinner. I decided to go with the dress being that it matched perfectly with my heels that are gold. I walked towards my nightstand, and picked up my phone then headed out the door of my room. I braced myself to be yelled at by my parents, but I didn't care.

As I walked down the steps, I glanced at the faces of my parents and my little sister Beatrice who had been waiting for me  in the living room. Their faces had shown disbelief, almost as if they had seen a ghost.

"What do you guys think?..", I said nervously.

My mother looked appalled. "Adanna...WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?!!", she screamed.

I know that many of you are probably confused about my name. My name is Rose Adanna Odabi. My parents tend to call me by my middle name when they are disappointed in me.

"So, you had the effrontery to wear something like this? Not while I am alive! I don't even feel like going out again", my father stated, very upset.

I know that wearing the kind of the dress that I wore was the last thing that my parents ever expected from me.

"B-but...what is wrong with what I'm wearing? Don't I look beautiful? Mom?...", I said quietly.

I've never felt so stupid. How could I have possibly thought that my parents were going to agree with what I wore?

I walked back upstairs with my head down slowly, full of so much sadness. I could hear my parents calling me names, but it was almost as if their voices were in the background while my insecurities were front and center. I've never felt so humiliated in my life...