Thy Love Ne'er Alter

Hello, friends. Here is my contribution to the Shirbert Ball drop of 2021. The only rule was that it takes place on New Year's Eve. I am so sorry about all the angst for the majority of the story, but don't worry, there is a happy ending. <3 The angst makes the fluff all the more meaningful. I do need to put a trigger warning for themes of self-harm. It is very mild and brief but I still want to put it out there.

Anne was at a New Year's Eve party and she was not happy about it. She was back in Avonlea for the holidays after a rough year. Marilla and Matthew had welcomed her with open arms, but Anne was not in the best place to appreciate them. To all of her peers, Anne was a success. She had graduated summa cum laude from her college and had taken a job teaching English at a prestigious high school, close enough to visit home once a month, but far away enough to keep the memories at bay. When she came to Green Gables, she stayed there, and besides the occasional outing to Diana and Jerry's home, she made a point to avoid the rest of the town. The looks, the questions. People didn't need to know about her personal life. And she definitely did not want to hear about the personal lives of other certain individuals.

No one other than her parents and her best friend knew how unhappy Anne was. She had been struggling for a while, but this year she had hit rock bottom. It started, of course, the summer she had graduated high school. Back then, Anne Shirley-Cuthbert had been a force to reckon with, a girl brimming with possibility. She had not decided where to go to school in the fall, but she knew how her life was about to change. She had been nervous about leaving her newfound home and feeling the distance between all of her friends. But her future excited her. She had so many plans.

The one unknown was Gilbert Blythe. The boy she had finally realized she was in love with. She didn't know exactly how long it had been, when their friendship had turned into something more, but that summer, with the impending date of her departure - and more importantly, his - something shifted in her. She began to recognize what she had always thought were just platonic feelings for what they really were. Devotion. Admiration. Affection. Their time together felt so special. As silly as it sounded when she told Diana, it felt destined. How could one person make her feel so many things? She felt at ease with him, spending time together felt effortless. They were always laughing together and he chuckled at her jokes like no else did. He understood her passions, he indulged and participated in the fairy realms that she came up with. He supported her and pushed her to be her best self.

Now, Anne had always known Gilbert was handsome. She'd had that fact practically shoved down her throat from the minute she met him. It was all the girls could talk about at school. She admitted it to Diana, even back when she and Gilbert were nothing more than rivals, Anne constantly looking for ways to one up him in school. She remembered how practically she had put it. "Diana, any girl with two eyes can see that Gilbert Blythe is a handsome boy, however, I do not find him attractive." She had really believed her words when she spoke them. It was possible her feelings changed, or maybe she was just in denial. But she was not sure at what point she started absentmindedly finding her gaze on his shoulders or admiring the way his arms looked under his winter coat. She loved his defined cheekbones and his strong jawline. She knew she had been in trouble when she started feeling butterflies in her stomach whenever he smiled. Time seemed to stand still when that happened.

It all went to shit when she told him. She tried to do it in person multiple times but had failed extraordinarily. Now that she was aware of her feelings for him, she was nervous around him in a way that frustrated her. She felt her breath quicken when he met her eyes. He looked at her so intently, as if she was the only thing he cared about in that moment. Those were the times when she felt hopeful that he might feel the same way. He was so attentive to her. Then again, he was also like that with everyone. That was something that she loved about him. He treated every individual with kindness and respect; he really listened to people. Everyone around her was always so involved with their own shit, that even when Anne talked one on one with them they only listened to respond, not to understand or be present. Gilbert wasn't like that at all. He made Anne feel like time stood still, like whatever she was saying was of the utmost importance.