"i can't imagine you going to graduation if you didn't go to prom." calum chuckled from where he was sitting on the edge of my bed.
"i actually went to graduation, not because i wanted to but because i, like, had to. for my mom." i sighed, immediately regretting that i didn't quit school. if i had, then i wouldn't be sitting here with calum. i'd be grateful.
"aah, so you're from pennsylvania and you hate everything and everyone." he chuckled once more. he said it more as a statement than a question.
"i don't hate everyone!" i defended myself.
"yeah, you do."
"no i don't. ugh, whatever, did you find something in the tunnel?"
calum shook his head. just before he asked me about graduation he had almost climbed into the tunnel again it was only one problem he couldn't fit in it. so we had in someway make the hole bigger we just didn't know if you could. i mean it's a tunnel if you try to smash in the wall then maybe the whole tunnel will collapse.
"no, i can't see anything. you're smaller, can't you go in there?"
"it wont matter." i stood up from my bed, for a second i think calum thought i was actually gonna climb in there but instead i walked over to my drawer and pulled it out. i picked up a hidden cigarette packet and took one out, not bothering to offer one to calum. i lit it.
"you know it's forbidden to smoke here, right?" calum informed me, turning in his seat so he was looking at me from where i was standing.
"yeah? i know."
"you really hate everything." calum rolled his eyes.
"i don't, i just don't believe in happiness and love that is the thing. but i don't hate everything."
"how can you not believe in happiness? like, 'kay love, but happiness. you never laugh?"
"well, yeah. sometimes, i guess but that's not being happy, that's laughing."
"you laugh because you're happy."
"not always." i walked back to sit next to calum and flipped open my book.
calum studied me from afar, not wanting to come too near the cigarette, he arched an eyebrow. "if you don't believe in love how come you read that book."
i folded the book again and looked at the cover, i shrugged. "it's a good book."
"but it's about love."
"yeah, i know that sucks. but people die." i laughed.
he nodded his head, still confused.
"what? oh i can't laugh? calum, i'm not a robot. the book is good i just think that yeah, it's cheesy."
"i don't believe you." he said from where he sat. "i think you do believe in love. you're just wanting to seem tough."
"what? why would i want to seem tough to myself?"
"no, to your friends."
"i don't have any friends."
"what about me?"
calum bit down on his thumb nail, waiting for my answer.
"you're not my friend." i dragged the end of the cigarette against the floor in the dorm room putting an end to its life. then i threw it into the hole in the wall.
"hey!" calum yelled, i don't know if he said it because i told him we're not friends or because i threw the cigarette into the tunnel.
"can you go?" i asked him.
