we sat in my dorm. on the way back to campus it had started to rain pretty badly so calum and i hurried back to my room. it was quiet in the area, everyone was in class. the whole dorm house was empty, except for me and calum.
his hair was wet and droplets traced down his forehead. he leaned back against my door with one foot resting to it. hands in pockets.
i had towel in my hand, drying my blonde hair while sitting in my bed. legs crossed. i wouldn't offer him a towel or dry clothes, his room was just outside, and besides, i enjoyed the way he looked right now. don't get me wrong, i still despised him. that goofy and naive boy. too much clinging in his laughter and too much sweetness in the creeks by his eyes. he was too odd, for me. not that, i had a type. boys -to me- was abused to the society. i did not need a boy to live up to my expectations in life, not that i had any.
but the way he looked today, the lights turned off in my room -we did not want to get any attention for skipping school- caused shadows to hide underneath his bold eyebrows and casting elegance to his structured face. i felt my body tense and i frowned. this was such a strange feeling for me. to feel, attracted, to someone. there have been boys before, but they've all seemed so desperate, crying for attention and lust.
silence gives you a lot of space. space where you will be able to think. and this sort of silence, right here, lingering between me and calum, made me think. i thought about things i never thought i would find myself wondering about. like, what is calums daily routine when he wakes up? what's he like at home? does he have a big family? what does he do when he's alone? i was curious. curious about someone elses' life.
the tall boy across the room straightened up and started walking my way. while he stood in front of me there were no words spoken. my hair was probably a birds' nest by now and my skin was red and dry from the water. my hands sank to my knees as i held the towel and i gazed up at calum.
he looked so old, all of a sudden. with his jaws clenched and his mouth frowning, not as chirpy as usual. i don't know what happened on the way here, but something had changed. if it happened in the split of a second or developed slowly enough for it to be unnoticeable, i don't know. all he did was to place a hand on my shoulder and i flinched. his hand was cold and my shoulder was naked, it sent chills all down my spine.
he cleared his throat, which signaled he was about to speak. he swallowed hard as if he was nervous, or something. and then he leaned his head down. his nose almost touching mine, his eyes staring straight into mine. i thought, just one wrong move, could cause him to even the space. so i stayed still, not moving a muscle. i was not sure, but a part of me wanted to push him away but a small, tiny part liked the smell of his breath and the look of the small details in his face i never noticed before. i was so close, i could count the few hairs that started to grow over his lip, the hairs you would never see from a proper distance. he opened his mouth and for a second, i thought of something very stupid.
"can i please borrow that towel?" was all he asked.
i pushed his hand off of my shoulder and slapped his cheek. i stared angrily at him and he placed a hand to the red mark on his face, lips slightly parted. he looked down at me in what looked like fear. i don't know what had gotten into me, i just felt so humiliated and the only thing i could think of was to slap him. but that did not quite make me feel any better.
"why'd you do that for?!"
i stood up abruptly, fist clenched. i tipped on my toes to get closer to him, looking at him for a short moment before standing straight again. "if this is your stupid game to try and make me believe in love." i said to him angrily, "then quit it! 'cause it's not gonna work."
"what are you talking about?"
"oh you know damn well." i pointed at him a bit over-dramatically. "it's not going to work whatever you think of doing. so you might as well just leave."
"maybe i don't want to." he protested, and crossed his arms over his chest.
i picked up the towel that had fallen to the floor when i rose earlier, and i threw it at him. "here, have it. actually you can keep it if it's that important to you."
"god, what has gotten into you?" he almost laughed.
i don't know, i don't know.
all i had to do was to calm down but i could not do that when he was around. my cheeks heated and i knew he noticed that i was blushing. i never blushed. i never got this worked up over small things like boys. boys had never been a problem to me, so why was my mind thinking of all the erotic ways his hands could touch me? and his lips. oh god, his damn lips, i just wanted to touch him. to feel if he was alive. if he was actually here.
"can you just leave? please."
"sam, are you attracted to me? is that why you're blushing?"
"you're such a dick for taking things like that for granted, i couldn't like you calum..." i rolled my eyes, "you're ridiculous, can you please leave?"
he sighed, taking the towel with him and walking to the door. i followed behind him, and leaned against the door frame while he exited the room. i rolled my eyes one time before speaking.
"hey you," he turned around. "sorry for slapping you. you just really pissed me off." i smiled.
and he smiled back.
-
calums' pov
i slipped. i don't know what happened but i lost control for a second there. it was just the way she stared at me, it made me believe she might actually like me. i just got so filled of encouragement from her eyes. i shouldn't have gotten all cocky. it was obvious she didn't like me.
she couldn't. she did not believe in love, so why would she find an interest in someone?
but when i stood there, in front of her i thought that this was the closest i could get. until i was filled with basorexia, -the sudden urge to kiss someone- and i just couldn't help it.
but i knew it was wrong, so i had to say something. i just never thought she would get so mad at me for coming too close. i thought i saw a slight light of hope in her eyes for a split moment, but i must have been wrong. because she hit me with such force. man, it actually still hurt a little now.
i couldn't help how i was feeling. jesus, i've known her for what? a week? and i'm already feeling it. i'm falling. and denying it would just be a waste. i don't know how she did it, but the second she told me love did not exist, i knew i needed her. i wanted her to feel something she never had felt before, and i wanted to make her feel that way. that's all my mind kept restocking over and over again.
at last, i knew this would be my role to play. i had to make her feel like she was the most valuable person in the world. because something told me,
she had never felt that way before.
woah
dramatic ending lol
dedicated to calum thomas hood for being one of the most important human bean in my life #WELOVEYOUCALUM
