my moon, my sun

7

"Where you planning on sleeping with him?" I ask, leaning back, looking at the car roof. I'm in the passenger seat, like yesterday. She's driving again.

"No, but I think he thought there was more to us then there actually is. I've never found your father attractive, he's quite repulsive actually. No offence." I find Americans said no offence even when they meant it, especially in the 90s.

"None taken," there was, was a lot taken, "You know he was going to bring you here and take you in the bed that we slept together in last night." I say, she nods, no expression on her face.

"I knew he was up to something, that's why I grabbed the offer for when your mother suggested it. I think your mother knows aswell, but she... She doesn't want to admit that your fathers cheating on her."

I don't respond. I can't. I would burst into tears if I didn't hold it back.

"You don't regret it do you?" She changes the subject.

"No." I say, through my teeth, wiping the tears that haven't even fallen yet.

"I don't either."

We spend the rest of the ride in silence.
~~
Even now, late in the evening we hadn't spoke much for the rest of the day. She had gone out to do whatever she did on these days and I read in my room.

My friends had invited me out,

Bring the American!

They said,

She's out, sorry. I'm available though.

You come by yourself then, Marcia.

They didn't seem very enthusiastic but I still tagged along to there trip to the beach.

I waited hours for her to return, but she never did. I waited and wait, seeking to see her. Her glory that came through the door with her.

But I couldn't wait long enough.

"Marcia." Since our night that's all she seemed to call me, I wasn't sure whether I liked it. I wanted her to call me the nickname.

"I'm awake. Don't whisper to me, please talk." I  let her stroke my forehead.

"Can I-"

"Get in." I pull the sheets down but keep my eyes shut.

She obliged. Climbing into the space next to me.

"You can't stay for long, Laurie. My mother will get suspicious." I wrap my arm over her chest, snuggling my face into her nearly none existent boobs. Her nipples hard, she's cold.

"You smell like the sea. I miss your natural scent."

"What does my natural scent smell like then?"  I direct my words a her nipples, wanting to lick them and never stop.

She doesn't respond, she just slips her hand down my warm body. The opposite to hers. I find her hand slipping into my waist band, i nodd as she stops. She starts to continue. Her hand slowly slips inside my wet flaps. The moisture massages into her fingers and I hold back the pleasure. Not wanting my mother too hear.

She stops, just before I moan for more and harder.

"This.." She places her warm, wet fingers under my nose. I smell myself on her. It turns me on, "This is what you smell like."

"You smell better."

~~

I wake up to the sun on my blistered back, well it seems blistered but the sheer amount of sun that touches it. The quilt not on any of my back, leaving the sun to hit it through the window.

The bed next to me cold. She's gone. Slipped out of my arms during the night so when this knock,

Hello?

Comes through the room, she's gone.

Come in.

I would answer, hitting my head with the pillow as I wait for my mother to enter, I would smell her on my fingers. Licking them clean until they smelt like my breath.

~~

We would hide behind doors, holding each other's hand under tables at dinner and rubbing thighs while watching television in the evening. She would rub my stomach when it would ache and the kiss of love would fix me up in a second.

I would only speak to her in French on the days she asked, wanting to be fluent. We would make plans for the future when knowing they would all fall through.

My mother nearly caught us once.

We were showering in the bathroom, thinking no one was home when she busted in.

Laurie? Laurie are you in there?

I held my breath, she quickly removed her fingers from inside of me. I let her touch my boobs as she replied.

Yes ma'am, what's wrong?

I would make faces to her, to see her crack a smile but she stayed sophisticated.

Have you seen Marcia?

No.

Okay well... thanks anyway. We'll be back in a bit, if she annoys you, just tell her to meet us at the café.

Meet them at the café...

She whispers in my ear just before replying to my mother.

~~
Without realising it the days went by the minutes and sooner or later it was her last week. We shared a bed every night, and we vowed to only do things together for however long she had left.

At nights we stopped just fucking and we started to talk. For however long the night entailed we tried to learn things about each other. Things that no one knew or needed to know.

It's been awkward between us, yeah. She said one night.
I'm sorry. I replied.
It's not your fault. It's your fathers. She said.
I do understand what his appeal was. I laughed.

She halfed laughed. I knew she found the topic of my father was uncomfortable for her but one day, I believe she will get over him. Because of me. Because I will help her.
~~
On the last Thursday we had together, she bursted into my room soon after my mother left.

"Laurie? What's wrong?" I asked, motioning for her to come over to me.

"We need to know what we are going to do. Will you come to America with me?" She sat on my bed, I pulled myself up so our eyes were aligned.

"Well I need to ask my father first. And maybe my mother."

"I've spoken to them." My jaw dropped, she picked it back up, positioning my mouth in line.

"What? When have you had time? We've been spending all our time together for weeks-"

"Don't worry about that," She patted my thigh through the quilt.

"But-"

"You've finished school. You have nothing here, Marcia. You can start a fresh life. With me. Together. Away from your father, we can keep in contact with your mother. If you wish to do so."

This was all happening really fast, and I didn't know if it was the heat of the moment but I felt my mouth opening and I couldn't stop it in time.

"I love you, Laurie."

"You don't know what you love, Marcia, you're seventeen."

~~