Grim Echoes

Chapter 46 - Ander

Ander loaded the 3/8" by 50' galvanized steel L aircraft cable and propane tanks into the back of the SUV. Will and Maeve should have procured their supplies quicker than he had. The majority of their items standard in hardware stores. He yawned and stretched, still early, but he felt more tired than usual. Not unusual for him to miss a nights' sleep, anytime they traveled he and Will would miss several nights. However, this time was different, it weighted on him more.

Perhaps it had been the magic used at Mason's. He had not spellcasted in months and although he could easily recite dozens of spells, performing one was much more involved. At the time, the only sensation he had experienced was the euphoria that always accompanied spellcasting. It was part of why it was so addictive. The magic used had been minimal, only security and defensive incantations. The only one that required any finesse was the mirror image spell. However, he had used it so often at medical school it was effortless. He had enjoyed the added challenge of adding Maeve's image. With a deep breath, he recalled the rush and how her eyes lit up when she realized what he had accomplished.

He reached for his knife and held it. Leaned against the SUV, he forced himself to slow his breathing. Stop. The euphoria is a lie. He had broken his word to Will and broke the code. All because she wanted to leave. Ander hung his head. Their laughter reached his ears before they arrived at the SUV. His jaw locked as they loaded the bags into the back. Once seated, Ander stared at the floorboards and compartmentalized his emotions so he would not cause unease between them.

"You ok Andy?"

Ander grimaced at his childhood name, but heard the concern in Will's tone. Certain Will believed he was having another episode. Ander nodded.

"We were thinking about getting some grub before we make the explosives. You good with that?"

"Sure,"

Ander listened to them speak about where to eat. Both smiled and interacted as though they had known each other for years, not days. Ander glared out the window, perturbed by their hot and cold interactions. When they asked his opinion about what to eat, he shrugged. He had no appetite. They finally settled on a diner primarily for the variety of choices and dessert.

Will and Maeve sat beside each other in the booth. Ander ordered a salad and picked at it. Will attempted to engage him in conversation, but Ander only replied as needed. But made a point to stay present and not allow his mind to wander. He understood Will was worried he was once again "flaking out", as he called it. Ander was aware of his surroundings and what was real versus what was not.

Maeve laughed at a joke Will made. He always had a better sense of humor than Ander did. Ander's heart rate spiked at the sound of her voice. He wanted to be honest with Maeve, desired to tell her everything, even the shameful parts he feared would alienate her. Unsure why he was so compelled to be truthful with her, but it was agonizing not to. With everyone else, it was easy to lie. In fact, it was challenging for Ander to be honest. Life and interactions were simpler and smoother when he lied.

The majority of the time when he and Will were on missions, he did most of the speaking. Unless they interacted with what Will considered "his people", he allowed Ander to fabricate the stories and lies. Who they were and why there were there to investigate. Will told Ander he was a more convincing storyteller and there were fewer problems when he did the talking.

Like most compliments from Will, after those words, he would, in the same breath, say Ander had too many tells. That he was too animated. Almost completely reversing the compliment. Over time Ander learned to ignore the quirk, Will could not help it. He mirrored Wyatt's behavior unintentionally. Will made efforts not to be his father, but the years spent with him left their marks.

"Earth to Ander,"

Shit. There would be no way to convince Will he had not slipped. He had just been in deep thought. Sounds from the diner now registered. He had tuned them out along with any voices. Not surprising he struggled to maintain his grip on the present. The majority of the time the present was not compelling enough for his constant attention. He rubbed his hand against the leg of his cargo pants.

"I was thinking," he answered.

Will narrowed his eyes and scrutinized at him. He raised his right eyebrow. Ander shook his head no. Will tilted his head to the right. Ander nodded. Will sat back in the booth, satisfied. Ander's eyes flickered to Maeve, who looked back and forth between them. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth and chewed her lip. Her eyes remained locked on him. Had she noticed his and Will's conversation?

"Anyway, I was telling you the plan for tonight since she'll be with us," Will said between bites of his hot wings.

Ander's eyes widened with surprise. She would be with them? He had been lost in his thoughts not to have heard that. Why had Will decided to let her go on re-con with them?

"Since we don't know where the hive is and technically the bar we're going to is probably not gonna have any monsters. Other than the locals," he smiled at his own joke. Will shrugged. "Its safe enough. Not like fucking shades that move around unseen. We'll know if something shows up." he tore into another wing.

Ander nodded and peered at his unfinished salad. The information on the reports had not indicated the bar as a location where vampires would be, but it was still bold for Will to allow her to accompany them. Tonight would verify details for the locations from speaking with the locals. Often locals knew what happened in their area without realizing they did. Humans could be very useful for research.

Will continued to discuss tonight, but Maeve seemed less engaged. Occasionally Ander would find her gazing at him. Had Will forced her to accompany them and she wanted his aide? After he caught her staring at him for the fourth time, he understood she was studying him, the way he would other humans.

Difficult for Ander to blend in with others, his entire life always on the outside looking in. He excelled at mimicking behavioral patterns of those he observed, but rarely understood how they felt. He did experience feelings, but not the way others did. His life a shadow of what was considered typical. Ander attended school, wore similar clothing, enjoyed the current entertainment, but did not have similar moments to others his age. Regardless of the time period, he did not share the life events of his peers and could not discern what their motivations were. Things that were humorous or interesting to his peers seemed foolish to him. Issues that were treated with the utmost importance seemed trivial to him.

Over the years he became quite skilled at reading humans and theorizing their motivations, able to anticipate their actions, choices and even words. Humans rarely said or did anything Ander had not predicted. Part of why Will allowed him to handle the conversations. Not only proficient at reading humans Ander was also talented at making humans feel at ease. Will was threatening, he was not. Others assumed they could trust him and divulged information in abundance.

However, interaction with others exhausted him. Who he pretended to be in public during missions was so divorced from who he was internally. It required more effort to continue the ruse than casting a six hour ritual. Often Will was forced to allow him to re-charge before they went out again. He assumed Will believed it was a dramatic quirk and did not understand the psychology behind it. Ander doubted he would have any interest in understanding the psychology behind it.

"So you're good, right?" Will asked, his face tight.

Damn it. Will had spoken to him again. Perhaps he was losing connection to reality again. He grabbed the hilt of his knife and took a breath, and nodded. Ander hoped he could discern what Will said before they left tonight. He refused to ask Will. It would only feed his paranoia.