Band- It College Years

A shinning light

** Trigger warning talk of suicide. Please don't read if this bothers you.*

Levi POV
I sat up in the bed. Eren was sleeping peacefully. His naked body curled around me. As I moved, he had moved with me. His head fell into my lap. I stroked my fingers through his hair. God he was beautiful. It wasn’t just his eyes, his whole being was beautiful to me. Would he blame me for not wanting to tarnish it by telling him of my past? I wasn’t sure. Of him, I was. He would find a way to always be there. I smiled.
Opening my phone, I did as Armin asked. I deleted the video of Eren attacking him. My chest hurt just seeing the thumbnail of it. If Eren ever found out how badly he injured the other boy, I was sure it would destroy him. Armin had said the next video wasn’t so bad. I pressed play.
I didn’t know where it was being filmed at. I could see a window that had bars on it. Eren was dressed but sitting down. He had a bandage on his wrists. I frowned. Had he tried to kill himself?  I wondered. Reaching out I lifted his hand. The one currently holding me to him. I flipped his arm over. A gasp escaped my lips. How had I missed this? There about two inches long was a jagged scar. It zig zagged drunkenly up his arm. Luckily only one place actually went over the vein.
“Oh, Eren!” I breathed out. What would I have done if I had called and Erwin told me this fucking idiot had killed himself? I was sure I knew the answer. It would have been the end to me. That death would have been on me. I bent to kiss his head. Turning I reset the video.
Erwin sat beside Eren. He had his, ok, lets fix you face on. Armin must be across from them as he was recording. “I have an idea.” Erwin started. Eren blinked at him. He had been staring absently at Armin.
“Now what, bush face?” he glared at my best friend.
“We find him.” Erwin stated.
“Who says I want to?” Eren snarled. Erwin reached out grabbing both of Eren’s hands. He held them up. He leaned forward so he was in Eren’s personal space.
“These do!” He growled. “I will not be the one to tell that fucking little bastard his boyfriend killed himself because he ran away.” Erwin threw Eren’s arms at him. Eren blinked. It was apparent no one had spoken this harshly to him in a long time.
“As I see it you have two choices.” Erwin went one. “One, You sit here and dwell until that self centered ass remembers we are his fucking friends, or 2 we go remind him of it.” Erwin smirked at this. To my shock, Eren grinned.
“OK, You’re on.” He snorted his smile fading away. “But when you don’t find him, or when he decides I’m not worthy of his return, I assure you, I will fulfill my third option.” Eren’s eyes were cold, empty. He raised his hands again.
“By the way, this was the second time I tried. I’m not one to fail a third time.” He hissed. The video cut out then came back. They were out of the hospital. This was Erwin’s apartment. The books alone told me as much.
“So, he left before I got there, but the guy said that he had been working with him as a tattoo artist. Some idiots from the gutter showed up. Levi killed two of them. He ran to get away from the law. The guy, he took the blame saying it was self defense. Levi’s cleared of it.” Erwin said.
“Nothing on your search of other police departments?” Eren asked. Erwin sighed.
“I’ve reached out to any place I know Levi has or had connections in. This town, he had neither.”
“It sounds like he is aimlessly wondering.” Armin stated.
“If that’s the case we may…” Erwin stopped. Eren’s face was hard.
“Three months Smith. That was the deal. Find him before my birthday, or I finish what Kenny started.” Eren snapped.
“I’ll widen my search. I’m sure he didn’t go too much further. I don’t think he would try to leave the country…” Erwin bent over a paper and the video ended. I lowered the phone to see two green eyes watching me.
“Well, that one wasn’t bad. But…” I slapped him upside the head. “What the hell?!” He yelled at me. I grabbed his wrist. Flipping it over I glared at him.
“Now I understand what has been off about you since I came back. You wear long sleeved shirts no matter what. When I see you naked we are usually getting hot n heavy so I don’t look for scars. Eren, don’t you ever threaten or try to take your life again. The only way I survived was to think you were safe! That you were still in this fucking shit crap show of a world!” I yelled. Eren’s fingers were gentle as he wiped the tears from my face.
“I’m sorry, but I wasn’t in my right frame of mind. My body healed, but, my mind…” He sat up across from me.
“It’s still on that cross. Believe me, I know how that is. Mine still goes back to the red room…” I whispered. Eren glanced over at me. I pushed him down. Setting my phone back on the stand I laid on his chest. Curling there I felt his arms wrap around me. We fell asleep like that.
In the morning I awoke to Eren in the shower. I smiled. Getting up I went to make him his coffee. We were out. Shit I was suppose to get some yesterday. Seeing my keys I texted Eren that I was going to run to get some coffee and be back in a few. I went down to the truck. The driver side door was wide open. No! I rushed to it.
Leaping inside I tried to start it. There wasn’t even a clicking sound. Why did the stupid brat leave the door open all night! I cried punching the steering wheel. Heading back inside Eren was just stepping from the bathroom, a towel around his waist.
“Hey, that was…”
“The battery is dead because a stupid brat left the door to my truck open all night!” I growled as I stalked toward him.
“Oh, uh…” He rubbed the back of his head looking sheepish. “Well I came home and you hadn’t answered your phone, the house was dark and I thought you left.” He hung his head muttering.
“How was I to leave when you had my truck?” I asked, hands on hip as I stood before him. He blushed, shrugging. I slammed him back against the wall. I hated the fact I had to go up on my tip toes just to reach his head. I yanked his hair to pull him down to me.
“You’re lucky your so good looking because that was a stupid ass thing to do, brat!” I hissed kissing him. He giggled against my lips as his arms wound around me. I breathed in his scent. Letting him go I looked into those sea colored eyes.
“You get to call Hange for a ride. If you want coffee you better tell her to bring you some.” I ordered. I stepped away to go make breakfast.
“You’re not mad at me?” Eren asked. My back to him I stifled a cry. He sounded like a little kid waiting to be scolded.
“Why would I be mad? We can put it on the charger. Easy fix.” I told him. “Now get dressed and call Hange. I’m going to make breakfast.” Before I could move I was hugged form behind.
“I love you, Levi.” He whispered in my ear. Just as quickly as he grabbed me, he let me go. I heard the bedroom door close.
“Not as much as I love you, Eren.” I whispered. His laugh had me looking up fifteen minutes later. It was a sound I hadn’t heard in a while.
“Yeah. I was stupid, I know.” His eyes twinkled with merriment.
“I can’t believe the little runt didn’t go ballistic. He will when he has to ride with me!” Hange’s voice came from the speaker.
“Who said I was riding with you? Get your ass here, then I’m driving!” I bellowed.
“Like hell I’ll let a runt drive my…” I hit the end call button. Eren chuckled. I handed him a plate.
Hange banged open the door just as we were finishing washing the dishes and table.
“How dare you hang up on me!” She yelled at me while waving her keys around. “And you think I’m going to let you…” I snatched the keys from her hand. “Ahh!” She screamed. I laughed.
“I know better than to ride in any vehicle you’re driving!” I snapped.
“Ass!” She yelped at me.
“Bitch!” I hissed back. We both stopped at the sound of Eren’s gentle laugh.
“You fight like siblings.” He told us, then to my utter shock he stole the keys from me. “I’ll drive!” He dashed out the door before either of us could stop him. Hange and I looked at each other.
“Did he just…” She began.
“That fucking brat!” I snarled. We laughed as I locked up the door and we went downstairs. Eren was standing beside Hange’s car. His dad was standing by his own car.
“You know you can, um well, your mom is…” his dad stopped talking. His eyes flicked to us.
“Yeah, sure. Sometime soon. Levi’s a good cook. Maybe you could come over…” Eren fumbled to a stop as he saw my shadow mix with his own.
“Yeah, we would love to have you over for dinner some time.” I offered.
“I’ll let Carla know.” His dad hurriedly got into his car and pulled away. Eren angrily kicked the tire of the car beside him.
“What was that about?” Hange asked. Eren growled for us to get in the car. He didn’t turn the radio on and drove a bit too fast. We watched him. As we got closer to town he slowed.
“Armin got hurt, while I was sick. I don’t know what happened but he was in the hospital for a long time. I think I did something to him.” Eren muttered.
“What makes you say that?” Hange asked. She rode in front beside him.
“Well, ever since it happened, mom and dad have been pretty skittish around me. They won’t let me back in the house. I’ve been living in the garage apartment, but they make sure they aren’t outside when I am. They don’t really talk to me much.” Eren said. He punched the steering wheel.
“If I hurt him, why does he still come around me?” He cried. He was crying so hard he had to stop the car. He bent his head to the steering wheel. I climbed over the seat to hug him.
The text on my phone from Armin last night flashed before my eyes. “Please delete the video of him hurting me. If he ever sees that, if he ever finds out it was him, I’m afraid he will become suicidal again. Eren would rather kill himself than hurt me, I know that.” I closed my eyes. Eren stopped crying.
“I just want to know why they fear me so much.” Eren sniffed in my arms. I drove the rest of the way to the shop. Once there I let Hange and Eren go up, telling them I was going to get coffee for us. I called Armin.
“He knows.” I told him.
“Knows what, Levi you said you deleted it!” I could hear the panic in the boys voice.
“I did. But…” I told him about the events of this morning.
“He only suspects, he doesn’t know. We can just say it was something else.” Armin insisted.
“I’m not going to lie to him. This is destroying his mind.” I told him.
“Levi, if he finds out he nearly killed me, it would be the end of him! I was in a coma for six days because of that attack. If Eren ever finds out it was him…” his voice caught and I heard him sniffling.
“The not knowing is eating at him.” I whispered.
“Well, you won’t exactly have to lie. His mother didn’t like seeing Eren beat himself up, I mean physically he would punch himself tear at his hair scratch and dig at himself. It freaked her out. We can just say it was that…” Armin pleaded with me.
“For now, but one day, you will have to tell him the truth, Armin.” I told him.
“Not unless there isn’t another choice. I will die before I hurt him like that.” His voice was cold as he added. “I will stop anyone from hurting him like that, no matter who it is, Levi!” he warned. The line went dead. Great! I swore as I headed upstairs with the drinks.  I knew how damaging secrets could be. Today it felt like I was a dead man walking. I promised myself I would tell Eren my true past.