Camren Lust

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Camila’s POV:

“Lauren?” I whispered. She had stopped crying a few minutes ago and I couldn’t tell if she had fallen asleep in my arms. She hadn’t answered so I assumed she was sleeping. I don’t know how long we were laying there but I know it was quite awhile. It was really hard to not start crying with her, I had to be strong for her. Now that she was asleep I felt a sense of relief and felt tears sliding down my cheeks and falling somewhere into her hair. I found her hand laid lazily on my side and interlaced my fingers with her.

“It’s going to be okay Lauren, I’ll make sure of it” I whispered into her ear.

*** (A few hours later)

The brunette in my arms started moving, which woke me up. Her vulnerable eyes made contact with mine, I ran my fingers through her hair on the back of her head soothingly and gave her a

soft smile.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head before saying “I will be.”

“I’m always going to be here, okay?”

“I know, thank you” she said and offered a small smile before looking around the room awkwardly.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m just… embarrassed I guess”

“Why? Don’t be, it’s okay” I said.

“It’s not okay..” She looked down as if she was going to cry again.

“Hey,” I played with her hair again and made her look at me. “You’ll get through this okay? I’ll be here for every second of it. You don’t have to do this alone. I know how hard it is.”

“How do you know? You haven’t done it have you?”

“I did like once in high school, It hurt too much it didn’t do anything for me. But my best friend in middle school used to do it.”

“Well I’m glad you only did it that one time,” she said, “And I’m sorry about your friend. Did she ever stop?”

“Well she uh.. she killed herself.”

“Oh my God I’m so sorry Camz.”

“It’s okay, I got through it. It’s the reason I went to Texas for high school.” She leaned in to hug me again and I held her for a few moments before asking “So, do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.. but we can.”

“Can I just ask a few questions?” I asked, and she nodded. “When did you start?”

“About 3 years ago. I stopped for awhile when I was in Europe because I was away from everything, but when I caught my now ex girlfriend cheating on me over the summer I lost it.”

“Why did you start?”

 

“It had crossed my mind many times. But then the girls who bullied me pulled a prank on me. It hadn’t been too bad yet, they only made comments here and there. So they apologized and told me I should sit with them at lunch, and I did. Then I continued to sit with them and they invited me over for a sleepover.”

“Oh God..” I interrupted

“Yeah.. so we were drinking and playing truth or dare. They asked me if I’d ever kissed a girl, and I hadn’t so I said no. Then the main girl, Morgan, started coming on to me and asked me if I wanted to kiss her, it’s like they knew I was a lesbian. So of course I said sure and she made me kiss her. But as soon as our lips touched she pulled away from me and said ‘what the fuck are you doing! You nasty dike!’ and then I figured it out, they were recording it. But of course the video didn’t include the part where she told me to kiss her. I grabbed my stuff and ran out of her house in the middle of the night and went home. She didn’t live too far away from me. The next morning I had dozens of Facebook notifications. She posted it and tagged me, saying ‘this fucking lesbian thinks I like her! What an idiot!’ After seeing that I went into the shower and made the first cuts. I knew I liked how it felt way too much, but I did it anyways. Everyone at school made fun of me from then on, and it only got worse.”

“Oh my god, Lauren.. I’m so sorry.. I don’t even know what to say.” I held her tight. I was truly in shock. I couldn’t believe that anyone could be that cruel. Sure, I got bullied too. But no one did anything that cynical.

“It’s okay,” she said, “It was a long time ago.”

“I know. I just wish I could have made it better.”

“No one could have, really don’t worry about it.”

“Lauren?”

“Yeah?” We made eye contact again.

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For telling me. I can tell that you’re a closed off person. So thank you for letting me in” I told her honestly.

“Don’t thank me, I should be thanking you for being here.”

“Well you don’t need to thank me either” I smiled.

“We should get dinner before the diner closes.”

“I’m not hungry, but I’ll go with you” I said.

“Babe, you didn’t have breakfast this morning and didn’t eat much for lunch either. In fact you haven’t been eating much lately at all. What’s going on?” She sounded very concerned, which was adorable, but I didn’t want to answer that question.

“Nothing.”

“Camz..” she gave me a disbelieving look.

“Sometimes I just don’t eat a lot, it’s probably stress. Don’t worry, okay?”

“Okay, but please have a little something?”

“Fineee” I joked.

“Good girl” She winked and gave me a kiss before standing up to fix her smudged makeup. I watched her for a moment, thinking about how much I just learned about her and that somehow it made me want her more. I got up and fixed my hair and put on converse before taking Lauren’s hand and heading to the diner.

The entire walk there I was thinking about how lucky I am to have someone as amazing as Lauren, and thinking about her story and how much I want to kill the people that hurt her. My faith in humanity sunk to the lowest it has ever been. But my faith in Lauren grew to the highest point yet, because her sharing such an intimate secret with me proves that this relationship is the real deal. Even though it was just a sad story, the fact that she let me know the other side of her made me happy.