Focused Dreams

Chapter 21

Cold.

Everything is cold.

My hands, my body, the room, the air, the world.

She's... gone.

You would think that after everyone I have lost, and everything that I have been through I would get used to this feeling, but it seems not. I can still feel the cold numbness grief causes. Everything is dull and worthless.

All my fears have come true. I have again lost a person in my life, it seems they keep doing that. Leaving me. Like little candles in my room, dying out before I can even notice.

I would like to say that this was something I already knew how to deal with, but this... This is nothing like the loss of my parents or my child. This is a new grief, a new kind of pain that has now absorbed every inch of my being.

She was in my arms... Did she die then, while I was holding her? Or was it before, I didn't check her pulse, I didn't think I would need to. I didn't think God would be so cruel to take another person from my life, but it seems I was wrong, it seems that I have underestimated the power of death and God.

The hospital room was quiet as I stared at my phone screen.

It looks like He isn't finished with me yet because while I was convincing Damien to leave, I had gone to pick up the phone, and saw a message that made me freeze.

Just so you know what will happen if you continue to rule MY empire. -Amor

He even signed it. That fucking bastard signed the message.

Now I've started feeling something ignite beside my grief, it's very small, but I feel it. Retribution. This bastard is going to pay for what he's done. He will suffer through the worst kind of hell, he will beg for my mercy, and he will die in the most excruciating way I can think of. He's just started something he'll wish he never did.

With a new resolve, I turn to show Damien the message. But when I turn around, he was not there. Did he leave? My brain warps back to the last time he was here, it was literary seconds go... oh.

I told him to leave, didn't I? Why did I do that? Dammit, I need him, right now, why did I tell him to leave. I was so fucking distracted by the message that I didn't even hear him leave. Fuck.

Not waiting for any second longer I headed towards the door, but immediately stop in my tracks because of the person who just entered.

Ivy is standing in front of me, holding her chin high and back straight, I'm guessing to show some kind of semblance of a person, but it doesn't work, at least not to me. I've been trained too much and too hard, to miss these kinds of tells, but even if I wasn't the shared grief that filled the room the moment she entered, and the slightly rimmed red eyes that colored her face would have given it away.

She doesn't make a move to talk, and neither do I. 

We're both just standing, assessing the situation. Two trained killers calculating their next move. She's moving closer to me, her lips in a sneer, and I don't know what to think. She hates me is what my brain is telling me, but I have no idea why. 

If my feelings weren't so numbed down right now I might have felt empathy for her as well, I might have even hugged her and condoled her. But all I feel is nothing, nothing surrounds me, nothing is inside me, and nothing is important.

Standing here mere feet in front of her I could finally take a good look at her. Her short-cut pixie hair, her perfect jawline, and her broad shoulders are in my line of sight. But then I see her green eyes, mixed with a little blue, and I felt something. It was a small pang in my chest, but it went quickly away. Catelin always had her type...