Abused Self Harming Camilo

Chapter 4

Camilo's pov:

I saw tío Bruno standing on he counter with a 'I'm not doing anything' look on his face. We just kind of stared at each other. He then said, "hey Camilo." "Hi" I said. I asked, "why are you up so late?" He responded with, "just kind of- well, Habit."

"What about you Camilo?" He asked me. "I couldn't sleep, so I came down here to get some food." He jumped off the counter and I flinched at the sudden movement. "You okay Camilo?" tío Bruno asked. I nodded. We just kind of sat and talked while eating. We were quiet so we wouldn't wake anybody up. When we were finished we each went to our own rooms.

I still couldn't sleep. Or more like I now couldn't sleep.  I always feel guilty when I lie to people.  But it seems like Amador doesn't want anyone else to know what goes on with us. But we have a perfect relationship. Don't we?

I never see mamá or papá with bruises, cuts, or scars. And they can't shapeshift like I can. And tiá Julieta or tío Augustine never have any. And now that I think about it neither do Delores or her boyfriend.  God what is going on! I stayed up all night thinking about it. In the morning I went downstairs and ate breakfast. I then did my chores such as the laundry. I then went into the village to babysit some of the kids. I hoped to visit Amador too.

All the kids really like my shapeshifting ability, so I use it to entertain them, "Camilo become______!" "ooooh! Do _____ next!" "Can you transform into _____ also!" What about me? Doesn't anyone like me? They only like me when I'm not me. When I'm someone else. So I will be someone else. Am... Am I of any value when I'm me? I went back home with these thoughts swirling through my head. When I got home these thoughts were Starting to drive me crazy.

I ran to my room and slammed the door shut. Right then and there I broke down into tears. Abuela said that we are more then just our gift but it seems like my gift is all people like me for. Am I not good enough as me? What's wrong with me? What do I nerd to change. Maybe I could call up Amador and vent to him. Wait no! I can't use him for therapy! It's so toxic to only talk to someone when you need them!

God why am I so toxic? I was still in tears. I quickly ran to my bathroom and grabbed a razor. I didn't even think about how many. Just enough to stop these thoughts. Slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice, slice. I could barely see through my tears but now everything was blurry as well. Why am I so dizzy? I started to get up when I found I could barely stand. I basically limped over to my bed. And right as I went to get on it I fell. And everything went black. And I couldn't think anymore.