Fourteen

685 31 22
                                    

When I look back on this year, I pretty much just see a series of endings. 

Lauren and I ended after her mom went through her phone and found messages between us. It wasn't like there was anything bad in the messages, they just made it obvious that Lauren had been dating when she wasn't allowed to be. She was grounded and told to break up with me. I tried to tell her it was crazy that her parents were so controlling - I mean what kind of parent makes their kid hand over their phone so they can go through it? I guess I'm just lucky my mom and dad aren't those sort of parents. Anyway, Lauren just kept saying that she knew the rules and she broke them, so it was her own fault. 

I hated seeing her so upset and defeated, but it also made me mad that she didn't care enough about me to try and stand up to them. She tried to be my friend after that, but honestly I didn't feel like smiling at her anymore. I purposefully didn't look at her when we passed each other in the halls or out near the track before practice and eventually she stopped trying to catch my eye. Other girls started flirting with me and I flirted back. I didn't do it to hurt Lauren, it was more just that it made me feel better about not being with her anymore.

This year also marked the end of my near-perfect academic record. I got a C on some stupid little test in Spanish, where before my lowest ever grade had been a B+ and that had been in Art class. It wasn't like a C was the end of the world or anything, but I saw the look on my parent's faces when I told them. Disappointment. I realized they had come to expect better of me and that by failing to live up to that expectation I had disappointed them. That stung more than any punishment they could have given me. I didn't bother to explain that I hadn't actually studied for the test or the reason why I hadn't. 

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I admit that I put it off until the last minute, sitting down at my desk on Sunday night before the test on Monday to go over the last few week's worth of notes. But half an hour or so into my reading, I get hungry again which is pretty typical for me these days. I head to the kitchen for a snack, finding the downstairs deserted. Mom and Dad must have already gone upstairs.

Sitting at the breakfast bar shoveling food into my mouth and washing it down with chocolate milk, I hear a faint noise. I stop chewing and listen harder. It's coming from the direction of the den and it doesn't sound happy. I walk over there quietly and slowly slide open one of the doors far enough so I can peek inside. What I see makes me frown. Elle's sitting on the sofa with a book on her lap, angrily rubbing her eyes.

"Elle?"

Her head snaps up in surprise, clearly she didn't hear the door open. She looks away quickly but not before I notice she's crying. The last year has been hard on everyone, but none more so than Elle. Which explains why she's staying here on a Sunday night instead of at her house. I linger in the doorway, unsure what exactly I should do about this situation. It doesn't feel right to just leave her alone, though, so eventually I push the door all the way open and go over to sit next to her.

"Hey. Why are you sitting down here all alone? Where's Lee?"

"Lee fell asleep already," she mumbles, still not looking at me. "I'm not sleepy so I thought I'd come down here and read to make myself tired." Elle takes a deep breath and her next words come out rapidly, like she's trying to get them all out before she starts crying again. "But then I started feeling sad and I couldn't concentrate and that made me mad because I really just want to read the book and fall asleep already."

I chuckle silently to myself and shake my head, because only Elle would get so mad at herself for being sad. Elle of course chooses that exact moment to actually look at me and her next expression is outrage.

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