Becoming Flynn - a kissing booth fan fiction

Seventeen

A/N - So much for my plan of updating this weekly - life has had other ideas, I'm afraid. Thanks for being patient with me - please enjoy!

The day after my birthday I'm sitting at the Hollywood sign, watching the sunset. The city lights are starting to flicker on, first along the highways and streets, then in the windows of businesses and houses, like thousands of fireflies. It's a familiar and soothing sight, but tonight it does little to ease my mind. The last few months have been anything but easy.

Joni passed away on a Tuesday. It was a day like any other, just another ordinary sunny California day, which felt wrong somehow. Like there should have been an earthquake or a storm or even just drizzling rain, something to mark it as a day that was different to all the others. I've felt like a failure ever since. The last time I saw her, I made her a promise.

"Noah?" By this stage Joni's voice was barely a whisper.

I looked up from my book. "Yeah, I'm still here."

"I want to tell you something."

"Sure, what is it?"

"It's about Elle. She's strong, I know she is. But this...this has been incredibly hard on her and it's going to be harder still when I'm gone."

I wanted to tell Joni that wasn't going to happen for a long time yet, but we both knew it would be a lie, so I just waited for her to continue.

"I'm glad she has Lee. But I'm also very glad she has you, Noah. I know you'll look out for her."

"Of course I will. I promise."

But I hadn't been able to protect Elle from the crushing grief that followed the loss of her mom. She tried her best to hide her pain and get on with things. I could almost see the gears turning in her head as she worked out how to make life as easy as possible for her dad and fill the void for Brad. She still spent a lot of time at our house, though, and there she let her guard down a little.

My mom was definitely doing her best to be there for Elle, and I wonder if Joni had spoken to her as well, or if it was just natural that Mom stepped in for her best friend, whose loss she was feeling deeply too. Elle put a brave face on things most of the time, but I heard her crying at night when she stayed in the guest room. It was next to mine, after all, and it was pretty hard not to notice once the house got quiet.

The first time I heard her I was up writing an assignment and I didn't know what to do. In the end I just jammed my earbuds in and drowned out the sound with music, thinking Elle would be embarrassed if she knew I could hear. But that made me feel like a coward. The next week when the same thing happened, I was determined to do something. I couldn't just sit and do nothing again.

So I did the least intrusive thing I could think of. I went downstairs to the kitchen and made two mugs of hot chocolate and walked back upstairs. Gripping the handles of both mugs in one hand, I knocked lightly on the guest room door. A few seconds later it opened, revealing a surprised Elle.

"Noah?"

"Hot chocolate?" I asked, holding out one of the mugs.

"Thanks," she said gratefully, taking it from me with both hands.

I leaned against the doorframe, taking a sip from my own mug. "Are you okay?"

Elle shrugged and looked at her feet. "Yeah. Kind of. Not really."

"It's okay not to be, you know." I said quietly.

"Yeah, but for how long?"

"As long as it takes, I guess."