21. Epilogue part three: Sunrise

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On October eighth, Yunho washed his hands, washed his face.

He went out to breakfast.

Returning home, he read, and thought; slept in the afternoon.

Yeosang and Hwasa will be over in a few days. He smiled, thinking of the new stories he'd tell.

The Parks had hired a home aid for him earlier that year, just to make sure he was eating properly and remembering his meds, that the food in the fridge wouldn't go bad, that the trash would be brought out. To make sure he was still doing well, even when his family lived so far away.

The aid came over twice a week, Thursdays and Fridays, for a few hours. Today was Wednesday, so he would be alone.

As the sky began to dim, Yunho walked outside, pulling on a blanket to shield himself from the October winds. He watched the colors begin to overtake the deep sky. Pinks and yellows and oranges woven into the ombréd blue. It was a beautiful night.

After the sun set, he walked back inside.

The espresso machine had finished its screeching, signaling it was done; the kettle, too, had just quieted down. Yunho poured a shot into one of his Soul's old mugs, and poured boiling water over top.

It was late in the evening now as he drank the coffee, but he'd grown immune to caffeine over the years.

Walking over to his beautiful, mahogany shelves, in a sentimental mood, Yunho pulled down a journal Wooyoung and San had given him the previous March. Sitting down in a worn leather chair, and taking a pen, Yunho began to write.

Jongho-ah,

Ink danced over the brown page.

It's almost that time of year again; happy early birthday! I miss you, but not as much as I used to. Yeosang still comes over every year. Hwasa is growing up so well. I can tell she is special. She desires to learn, and I love to teach her.

Wooyoung and San have 13 year old twins, now; they made the adoption official only this year. But the two are so very badly behaved, it reminds me of their appa.

Yunho laughed, thinking back to when Wooyoung was a child. Then his pen continued to glide.

I think I will be seeing you soon, my Little Bear, and I am very happy. I worry for the ones we leave, though.

Mingi and Byul are doing well, much healthier than me, so I am happy for them. Mingi still grows his flowers.

Oh! My love, Seonghwa and Yeo are fostering a new son! They will adopt him in two weeks. Do you know his name? All their children are named in honor of your family. This little one is the first boy: Park Jongho.

The sun has set in beautiful colors tonight; tomorrow it will rise and I must rise with it.

Yunho set down his pen to take a sip of the cooled coffee.

I don't get mad at you like I used to. For years after your death, even though I loved you, I was angry; I couldn't understand why you would leave me, leave our families, when we had so much to live for.

I always tried not to blame myself. . . but didn't fully believe it. Now I understand you tried, Jong-ah, you just couldn't escape. And, as much as I tried, I wouldn't have been able to help you. I've finally fully forgiven myself for that.

Remember what you explained to me, a long time ago, about the colors and the darkness? I think that's why you died, even after we had such a beautiful day together. When you were with me, it was a distraction from the darkness you felt in yourself. Only then, together, were you able to see all the good in life. But that darkness was still inside, only briefly covered by the colors you felt while with me. Momentarily, the darkness was overrun by light. And you didn't know how to escape the dark; you thought asking for help was a burden.

I'm glad, at least, that Yeosang now knows it's not. That he knows help is good.

Anyway, it's strange how the universe always carries on. I miss you, Little Bear. Good night. I will see you soon.

Leaving the pages open on his desk, Yunho allowed the ink to dry.

He didn't then know how true his last words would be.

Putting on a jazz CD in his old player, Yunho softly danced to the melody as he made his way to the bathroom.

Yunho washed his hands, washed his face.

He turned out the light.

Settling into bed, he felt the heavy covers mould over him. Soon, they began to warm, radiating his body's heat.

As he shifted, looking at Shiber up on the shelf, he listened to the soft music drifting around his home.

Elevator music. He smiled, brushing a hand over the brown wave imbedded in the molecules of his neck.

During the dark of night, he drifted to sleep.

Yunho dreamt of his life, starting from memories he didn't know he still had, but were locked away in the recesses of his wonderful mind.

Now, he replayed in full color the day he met his Soul. They were five; it was the first day of kindergarten.

"Hello," Jongho said. "Will you be my friend?" He was always the braver of the pair.

As the memories drifted, Yunho did not feel his heart stop, nor his lungs still, nor his chest grow cold. Yunho didn't feel anything as the blood in his veins decided to sleep, nor as the final breath of air passed his lips.

Truth be told, his heart was warmer than ever before.

A moment later, as Yunho opened his eyes, he saw the morning sky surround him. He was laying on luscious green grass, a purple and orange sunrise overhead.

But strangely, even with the light he could still see a multitude of stars. Over 1,117, he was sure.

A young man pulled Yunho from the grass. The man's brown eyes themselves were like stars and his skin glowed. He looked like a soul more than a human. Glancing down, Yunho noticed that he himself looked different - better. He was young again, and looked somehow less material, like his atoms no longer needed to stay together.

Instead, his body glowed in the most wonderful of ways. It drifted over itself and came back together, gliding and dancing, and Yunho could see his soul.

The older looked up again, to the other man, and saw a smile he'd recognize anywhere. His heart leapt with exultation.

"Jongho-ah," Yunho called, "my Little Bear."

And that same, beautiful voice he hadn't heard in lifetimes spoke sweetly back to him. "Hello, my Soul." Jongho replied. "Welcome home."

~ Fin ~
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A/N: 1-20-22 ahhhhhhhh this is so beautiful to me!! thank you all for reading. I hope you're thinking about something important now!

this was so wonderful to write... hmmm, and now we're done. please let me know your thoughts! favorite chapters? my favorite is still 'flowers for my soul,' I like the epilogue a lot too, though.

happy reading in the future ❤️

1170 words

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