DEAR ONE WHO GOT AWAY

PROLOGUE

Dear one who got away is what I wrote at the beginning of the letter I was gonna send to you until I realized that I have no idea where you are. A letter would have been too little anyways because I need to fully express how I feel inside. So I decided to write a book explaining everything in hopes that it will be the best selling and you would somehow see it as you love reading books...yeah I know crazy right, but that's how much I love you and I want you to know that. I should have let you know that from the beginning instead I let my ego and my pride get in the way of our love. If I had let it be known from the beginning that you were mine and I love you, then this would have never happened.

At first I blamed him for doing this to us but I have realized that I only have myself to blame and nobody else. I lied to you, I lied to my friends but most of all...I lied to myself. I have been going to therapy to help deal with my past because my past has made me this monster that I now despise. I thought that therapy would help me accept that you are gone and gone forever but it is not...my heart just won't let go. You were all that I needed and I should have had the courage to tell you all of these things...to tell you that I love you.

Now one thing I can say therapy helped me with is expressing how I really feel because a year ago, the words I love you would have never come out of my mouth...I mean I have never even told my own mother that I love her. I hope that after reading this book you will understand that hurting you was never my intention, tearing your heart apart was never part of the plan. I am truly sorry my love, I grew up in a house where women were never respected so breaking hearts was my profession, it was the only thing I knew and perfected but that is no excuse. I know that I should have done better by you but understand that I did not plan on falling in love with you, in my head you were just another one of the women I played.

I fell in love with you and I did not know what to do because I have never loved in my life, I do not even have enough love for my own family that I have not seen in over eight years. My heart was a wall made of stone and nobody could crack that stone wall...but you demolished the whole wall and I just did not know how to react to that. I did not know if I liked having you in my heart because to me being vulnerable with anyone was danger because I did not want my heart broken, I would rather break hearts than have my own heart broken. You had my heart and I was scared of that...you still have my heart and I am still scared of that because I don't know if I could ever love another the way I love you.

All I wanna do is just look in your eyes and tell you that I really really really really love you and I wanna be with you and only you...and that I am sorry for all the pain that I caused you. Dear one who got away...you are my world.