𝙄 𝙏𝙃𝙊𝙐𝙂𝙃𝙏 𝙄 𝙍𝙀𝙉𝙏𝙀𝘿 𝘼 𝘽𝙊𝙔𝙁𝙍𝙄𝙀𝙉𝘿 • teruhashi k.

𝗘𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧

   You felt like an absolute jerk at this point.

    Honestly, what are you supposed to do on a scheduled date? This doesn't even feel sincere for you since your time and effort is practically paid for this exact moment.

   "Do...you want to eat something first?" you ask, hoping to at least lighten up the mood by bringing up countless meals you've had listed. You're trained to do this, you have a notebook filled of places where you can bring your dates.

   But Kokomi doesn't feel like any other dates. It feels insulting to even bring Kokomi to places where you've brought other people at.
  
   Her slap from earlier still lingers on your cheek. You'll have to look into that later.

   "I just want to walk." Kokomi responds. You can't really blame the girl, she waited until your shift is over. She could have used those hours to sleep back at her place but she just had to make sure that you won't run away again.

   Now you feel guilty.

   "Let's eat somewhere. I insist." you told her, stopping your tracks. Noticing how she didn't stop hers, you held back as a sigh as you took her by the hand. "Please. I know you're tired. I'll talk to you about everything once you eat something."

   Turning to your direction, a soft expression painted across Kokomi's face. She can hear your feelings from just your voice. She think it's absolutely crazy how she would pay so much for just some time with you. But she wanted to hear what you have to say—she wants it to come from you.

    "...I want some Takoyaki." she utters out, her voice, this time, in a much gentle tone.

   The edge of your lips curls upward as your fingers that held Kokomi's hand slowly interlaces wih her fingers. "Yeah, okay. I know a place." you say, gently tugging her to the direction of the place.

    The iced tension slowly shatters as both of you share Takoyaki under the evening stalls of the city's plaza. After that, you find yourself walking in the direction of the city park, where it's usually empty around this time in the evening.
  
   You didn't bother offering more activities to do with Kokomi. You knew she paid and rented you for another reason.

   Tucking your hands inside your coat and burrying your face under the scarf that's loosely wrapped around your neck. You should have fixed it earlier when you were clocking out.

   You hated confrontations. This situation is much more difficult for you than expected.

    You offered Kokomi a seat under a dimly lit pole aa you stood in front of her as if you're completely guilty of something; in which you acually are.

   "Are there still...strings attached with Aiura?"

    You bit the inside of your cheek as you hear Kokomi's question ring in your ear. Your hands that are now deeply tucked inside the pocket of your coat is now fiddling with all of the lints inside the cloth, as if looking for the right words to say.

   This is making you weak.

   You didn't know what to say. What are you even supposed to say?

    "...I don't know." you utter out, hoping that your answer is something you can stand firm with. "It was complicated with her. Even if there were strings attached, I can assure you that Aiura wouldn't want it to go that way."

    Silence from Kokomi.

    Fuck. You're fucking this up real bad.

    "That's not what her eyes said when she watched you walk off that day." Kokomi says, recalling how Aiura gaze shows how she yearned for you that day. How badly she wanted to run after you.

    No eyes like that would lie. Not Aiura.

    "I'm not...sure what you want me to do." you said, fixing your loosened scarf. "I don't want her to come back. Everything's just so confusing with her and I hope I never get to experience that again. She wanted more of what I couldn't give."

   "...Okay," Kokomi breaths out, softly. She likes you enough to reach this point. "Do you...still like me?"

   "Would you want me to like you?"

   You're fucked for real this time.

    "Are you sure about it?" Kokomi watches as you bent your knees to crouch in front of her, your hands rested on her knees as the light pole dim light reflects against your face; it didn't know hope. You didn't seem thrilled about what answer she's going to say. In fact, you look extremely worried.

    "I'll hurt you." you utter out, softly. You say that, but the way your fingertips brushes against her skin is so tender, as if you're touching glass. You say that, but your tone of voice seems to hope that Kokomi will look past your facade. You say that, but your gaze says otherwise.

   "Will you actually hurt me?" Kokomi really wants to cry.

    "Just like what I did to Aiura. I'll hurt you bad." your knees are growing weak. You're absolutely insane for this.

   Kokomi's slowly fills with tears, her heart beating in a rapid state that she can feel it knocking it past her ribcage. She wants you so bad. She never yearned for someone this bad.

   She really wants it to be you.

   God, please give this to me.

   "But..." Kokomi's voice cracks from just this singular word. "But I'm not Aiura...Will you still hurt me?"

    "You're crying again." you mutter out. You reach out to her face, your thumb gently brushing against her tear stained cheeks. "That's the thing, Teruhashi. You're not Aiura. I don't want to hurt you."

     Kokomi leans in for more of your touch, the tingling feeling of your warmth leaving some sort of yearning for her to even hold your hand. "I want it to be you." she never thought she'll stoop this low. "Really...really want it to be you."

    You held back a breath, holding on to her hand as your fingers interlaces with hers. Watching her cry hurts you. She may be pretty this way, but this is something you hated to see.

    "Please, let it be you." she utters out. "It hurts watching you with anyone else."

    You purse your lips, holding back any impulse and urges to cup her cheeks and to kiss her, to prove to her that there aren't anyone else.

   But you're not like that. You can't do it.

    "You're tired," you say, standing up from your crouched position. "Let's get you home."

   You ran away again.

   You're such a coward.
  

  taylor swift - the 1