Lost Change

Chapter 57

The next four days were... strange.

Minna just seemed numb. She fed me and we played together like we usually did, but she had a lethargy about her. She didn't pet me as much, except for a little bit before she fell asleep at night, and she seemed distracted when she was feeding me. Games of fetch with the ball were much shorter, and she spent most of her day working on her tablet. Arlia called at one point, and they talked for a bit, but when Arlia suggested coming over to watch movies Minna turned her down.

I saw her slipping into a depression, but the more I tried to help pull her out of it, the worse it seemed to get.

And I still wasn't sure I wanted to pull her out of it. Or rather, I wasn't sure that I should pull her out of it. There were points when I caught her staring blankly at me when I was lazing under the heat lamp or playing with the ball, and I always felt the urge to go hop in her lap and nudge her hand or cheek until she smiled again. Sometimes I gave in to it. But I was always left wondering why I even felt that urge, and if she really deserved it from me. If I really should even have a desire to comfort her in the first place.

We woke up early each morning so I could greet the sun at Susie's grave. I appreciated that... but in the moments after, seeing Minna there where Susie had been killed, I almost wished I had stayed inside and not even greeted the sun at all.

Our relationship had fractured. On the third night I fidgeted for hours before giving up on trying to sleep on Minna and retreating to the den in the living room. On the fourth night I didn't even try, and simply hid on the floor inside the box.

It was just too much. I was trapped. I was too scared and disturbed by what it would mean to accept Minna and stay with her. But at the same time, I was too attached to her to not feel affection and sympathy for her. I had to leave, I had to get away, or I was going to rip myself in two.

On the fifth morning she watched me dance through the Morning Song. I performed it flawlessly, and settled slowly down onto the small mound of dirt that marked where Susie's remains rested. It had been an effortless dance, without a single misflap or even a sore ache from exertion.

My wings were recovered.

My Kymari watched me for a long moment while I stared up at the morning sun... then she reached for my back. I thought she was about to pet me, and I felt a brief excitement - it had been a while since she had last done so, and it would be nice to feel her warm hand against my scales...

Click.

The snug pressure of the harness evaporated from around my sides as the straps fell to the ground.

We watched each other for a long moment. I could tell Minna was waiting to see what I would do. I could see the hope still buried deep in her expression. She was sure of what was about to happen, she had prepared herself for it to happen... but she still hoped it wouldn't. She still hoped I would stay.

I wanted to. So, so much more than anything, I wanted to stay with her. Wanted to see that hope flare into happiness and relief, wanted to see her worried, defeated expression turn to a happy smile. Wanted to feel her pull me to her chest, and hold me, and pet my back. Wanted to stay.

And it terrified me. I shouldn't have wanted any of those things! I shouldn't be in this situation at all; I was... I was a human first, I took care of myself, I took care of others, and I had learned how to do all those things without needing anybody. People had come to me for assistance, I hadn't needed to be handed every meal like a baby too young to be trusted with forks and knives.

And after that I had been a dragonet. I had found my own food, and built my own dens, with no greater assistance than the dog I had rescued. I had kept us warm in the winter and dry in the storms. I had done those things. I had needed nobody else but myself. There hadn't even been anyone else but myself. I had provided every meal Susie ate. I had picked out and dug the burrows to live in. I had defended her from every threat she faced.

Every threat except one.

And now that very threat... now it had brought me here. It had reduced me to this. This emotional, dependent wreck that could no longer make what should have been the easiest choice in the world... because I didn't want to hurt her. Because I actually liked being around and with her. The very one who had done all of this to me.

I felt tears of frustration start to form in my eyes as my desires and fears warred within me. I turned away from Minna to hide my face. And when I did, I knew what I had to do. Much as it would hurt, much as I didn't want to, I had to. I couldn't stay there and work things out.

I jumped into the air and flew away from my friend.