sunshine. || lee donghyuck imagines

[00:44]

🌻: yeah i might not be too good rn

"I hate it here."

Haechan laughs at your comment, pulling his cigarette away from his lips. Along with his laughs, comes smoke, sliping thorugh his parted lips. He never liked smoking, he only did it when he was stressed.

And being with you, it strangely helps lift the stress from his body. He never knew why.

"Tell me about it," He chuckles out, bringing his cigarette back to his lips.

"I'm being serious, Lee Haechan."

To his utter surprise, your voice is shaky, duller than it usually is.

And when he turns his head to look at you, his heart sinks when he realizes you have tears welling in your eyes, your lips shaking and very much failing at trying not to frown.

Almost instantly, he flicks his wrist, his cigarette falling to the gravel below you.

It wasn't common for you to cry in these nights, it would always be him. Tired of life. This time, it's you who's looking so fucking done with your life, and you must be really sick of it. It's always be a stone cold face, a mask, nothing but an expressionless feature you'd keep up.

This is the first time you've cried, and you've been having midnight meet-ups like these for about a year now.

"Are you okay?"

You shoot a sour glare at your nightly companion at this, growing annoyed at the phrase you hear everyday. It's stupid, you think, how you could be at your worse state, and yet he still asks the obvious.

"No, Haechan. I am not, if you can see."

Haechan is taken aback. What happened to his calm, collected partner in crime? Well, nightly partner in crime. You don't know each other in broad daylight.

"Do... you want to talk about it?"

You find your eyes rolling instinctively at the question. You've spent how many nights comforting him and the son of a bitch still asks the basic questions.

Truth be told, Haechan is scared. He knows what to do when Jisung or Jaemin cry, but if the salty tears are coming from you, he's blank, because you're so strong, he knows this, and to have you cry, is like having his confidence-his happiness-stripped from himself.

"Yeah," you answer quietly, "I really want to talk about it."

Haechan reaches out to take your hand in his, pulling you towards him. "I'm here to listen."

The moment his hand is slipped in yours, it's gone from your warmth. You've pulled your hand back fiercely, wiping it over your eyes, before you stand up in front of him.

"No, no you're not! You're never there to listen, Lee Haechan!"

You choke on your words halfway, suppressing a sob that attempts to slip through your lips.

The sight of you choking up, trying to keep in your tears, not being able to stop any cries is practically breaking Haechan. His strength is weak, and he can't bare see someone he would consider his other half in such a vulnerable state in front of him.

"Are you there in the morning, when I wave to you? Are you there when I'm struggling with a stupid math equation? Are you there when I'm eating alone in the fucking bathroom because god forbid I sit alone in the cafeteria and embarrass myself while I hope and want you to come sit next to me and tell me your god awful dad jokes!"

Never has he ever been there for you. You're just a punching bag to him, to go to when he's down, when his parents get upset at him for simply having fun, when he gets ditched by his friends.

What different is he from them when he ditches you too?

Haechan realizes this now. And god, does he want to jump off a fucking bridge.

"I'm sick of it! I hate it! I hate you! I hate myself! And don't you fucking dare tell me I shouldn't hate myself because there is only one of me in this world. And it's so stupid when they are all the same! Saying I'm the only me, but they're the ones saying the same goddamn thing! They're being like others, being with others, while I'm just being me! I don't want to be me, Haechan, I don't want to be myself if it means there's only one. I don't want to be left alone again."

At this point, you don't even know what you're saying. There's this one big black void in you that's finally let go. What you've been keeping in for so long is finally free.

Haechan can't believe this is what's been going on under the mask, under the poker face he grew to think it's a normal expression. He's been nothing but a dick to you, and he can't believe he's just realizing now.

"I just want someone to be there, you know? Best, worst, I really don't care. As long as someone treats me as well as I treat them."

In a way, he gets you. He knows what you feel. He understands completely, and suddenly, he doesn't feel so alone anymore.

You swallow down a sob, wiping your arm across your face messily. God, you feel so stupid for showing such a weak side of yourself. "Sorry you had to go through that," You mumble weakly after a few minutes of doing nothing but crying your soul out, flicking off a few particles of sand from your shirt.

Haechan did nothing, but sit there, to your surprise, but you're a bit grateful for that. He listened for once. Though, a hug would be great, but at least he kept quiet and actually let you finish.

"I understand if you'd want to," You pause, glancing up at Haechan's face. "skiddadle, or something." you finish when you see he has a blank face.

"No." he breathes out after a few seconds. "No, I'm not leaving you alone again."

Oh. How funny. It took a whole breakdown for him to realize now.

Haechan stands up, and strangely, you see his arms raise as well. And to your utter shock, he wraps them tightly around you, bringing you into an embrace.

It feels very weird. Not because it's a fake hug like all your 'friends' or 'family' give you, but it's because it feels so... nice. You never thought Lee Haechan was good at hugging.

"I'm sorry." His arms bring you closer, and you hear a small sniffle come from him. "I'm sorry for only noticing now."

Haechan feels much better (or worse? The tears come faster) as he feels your arms circle around him loosely, hanging my his waist. And he can't help but sob when you push yourself further into him, your tears drenching his shoulder.

"I promise you, Y/n," He whispers in your ear, swaying side to side. "if I ever leave you, you can skiddadle or something, and I'll come running right back for you."

This time, you want him to run after you. You want him to be the one to go through your worst with you, your best even. You want him to be there and to finally see you as someone he can count on, and someone he can have count on him too.