adore you || nishimura riki

training

It's been a few months since the vlive, I haven't really gotten to see Enhypen. Niki comes in to visit me while I'm in the practice room everyday, I love his company. The rest of the members do sometimes, Jungwon even came once.

I've actually written all my songs for my debut album, chosen the title track, and gotten it all okayed by the company. I get to choose when i debut, I feel like soon is good. I've even filmed my debut track's music video. I've been told my dancing is phenomenal, rap is amazing, singing is astounding, My visual appeal was incredibly high, and facial expressions were always exactly on point. 

Yet, at the thought of debuting, there's still always a certain nervousness that fills my body. Always something holding me back from telling the company that I'm ready. I don't know why. I want this, I want this badly.

Why can't I bring myself to tell them, confirm that I'm ready for it?

My thoughts to myself are interrupted upon hearing the door to my studio open. I turn around in my swivel chair to see Heeseung and Sunghoon standing there with food. We greet each other as I check my phone and see the time, it's already noon and I've been here since five. They take a seat on the couch behind my desk, and I decide that I should tell them my worries.

"What's on your mind?" Heeseung asks, he's always been really good at reading people.

"So, I want to debut, I've been told I'm ready to, that everything is on point, and that I can. But there's always something stopping me. Almost as if every time i plan to go tell them I'm ready to debut, a huge hand is there, pushing on my stomach. And it causes me to stop and begin to overthink. I just don't know what to do about it." I spill, letting out a breath i didn't know i was holding.

"That's completely normal." Sunghoon assures with a smile.

"Really?"

"Yeah, everyone in the group was nervous before we made our debut, sometimes we even get nervous before a comeback." Heeseung adds, Sunghoon nodding with him, before handing me food.

"I say you go up there and tell them today, if you're really that sure. Plus, if you want we'll go with you. Also Jay said you skipped breakfast this morning." Sunghoon comments, his last sentence spoken with slight worry in his tone.

"I ate a piece of toast." I say, playing it off as if that's an exceptional meal to start the day. The way Sunghoon is looking at me now is most reminiscent of my grandma's expression when I would tell her the exact same thing.

"Not exceptional, if you're going to practice you need a full breakfast beforehand." Heeseung states, the look on his face clearly telling me he's serious.

"I haven't practiced yet." I respond, not looking up from the food i'm eating in fear of getting scolded.

"Well it's a good thing we came then, you're making it sound like you were planning to." Sunghoon says, a slightly awkward sounding laugh escaping his mouth.

"Well, I think I'll go to work out the details of my debut today, as you suggested. I've been meaning to talk to you guys about this, it's been bothering me for weeks." I ask, still not looking up.

"Have you told Niki?" Heeseung questions, Sunghoon's eyebrows raising in interest.

"No. Why would you think I told Riki ?" I ask, now just as curious as they were before my answer.

"He knew." Sunghoon answers, confusion now being evident in both his and my expressions.

"He did?" I question, thoughts and heart beat racing around throughout me.