(This will be a BIG trigger warning for some people)
I had suffered many types of abuse and to make it worse it's not even over, I had to suffer physical abuse, sexual abuse, and emotional abuse. I'll had to suffer for years and it's still going on, I feel helpless because I can't do anything because my parents are doing this to do, all I can do is sit at take it in trying not to snap.
First let's talk about sexual abuse I had when I was little and I I'm still suffering from it. It started when I started to go to my babysitter house because I my mom needed to go work in the day. So I stayed at her house after school and on the weekends, she was nice I can't say the same about her husband. He was nice too but a little too nice to me and not the other children that she took care of. I know That happen for longer but I can only remember up to 7 years old, then he started to put his hands on my legs and because I was little I thought nothing of it, until he started to get touchy will me, and I felt uncomfortable around him. Then he would make me sit on his lap and he would put his hand up my shirt, and once again I didn't do anything because I didn't understand, that was until the "thing" happened, I don't want to talk about but when he was finished he told me not to tell anyone or else he would hurt me or my little brother who was a baby at his time, I didn't want it happened again but I also didn't want him to hurt my brother, I didn't say anything. Then it happened again and again and again until my mom got a new job I was happy, because I didn't have to go to the babysitter's house anymore, happy ending right? No there is never a happy ending in the real world, after all of that I suffered I was free from it for a few years, until my step dad started to get touchy with me Too, and it's still going on. Now I really can't do anything he is my step father what I'm I supposed to do !? All I can do is just suffer again, you my be wandering why didn't I tell my mom. Well reader, I can't because my mom already over works herself and every time I see her,she is tired from working two jobs just to support us, I don't want her to worry about me and my problems, she needs to me to work vary hard cleaning, feeling the pets in my house, taking care of my siblings, and keeping up with my school work, all at the same time and while fighting depression and suicide thoughts, and I only really get to sleep at midnight because of all the work I have.
Next up is physical abuse, this one I don't have much to talk about because it doesn't happened vary often. But it does drag my metal health down. Only my step dad does this when he is mad at me or my little brother and he doesn't hit me hard or anything like that he just wacks me on the head
And last but not least emotional abuse. By who you may ask? My mom. She will tell me things about my bio dad and other problems that I shouldn't have to worry about because I'm still a child. And I the word is not cupcakes and glitter, I don't need to worry about the divorce between my parents or how she is ever getting sleep because of us. One time my mom was just calling me useless over and over again, making me feel bad about myself and making me become more depressed. I know she does love me. But her "love" makes me feel bad about myself and making me feel unhappy about my body.
