The Demon Queen

The Hesitation

Muzan continued to stare at me, speechless, and even confused. 

"How dare you possess his body!" I yelled with fury.

"It's me."

"Liar!"

"It's me. Kibutsuji Muzan." He took a cautious step closer.

"Get away from me!"

He froze.

"You aren't Kibutsuji Muzan!" I yelled. "Muzan is dead! He just died!"

"I'm not dead."

"I won't let you possess his body!"

"I'm not dead!" Muzan threw his hands to his head. He started breathing heavily, almost as if he were starting to hyperventilate. 

I didn't know what to think. It seemed as if telling him that he was dead was causing him distress. That would have been typical of Muzan, but I couldn't believe that the man in front of me was Muzan. I continued to point the knife at him. 

That's not him, I thought. It can't be him.

I looked to his hands. They were covered in human blood. I looked to his face. There was blood around the corners of his mouth and on his chin. He had been eating the man he killed like an animal.

It was something the Muzan I knew would never do. He would never hurt others. He would never behave so brutally. The Muzan I knew wasn't an aggressive man.

In fact, the Muzan I knew was a rather nervous and timid man. As I continued to look at the blood-covered person in front of me, who continued to press his hands to the sides of his head, I could sense that essence of fear inside of him.

I felt like my head was about to explode. And to make it all worse, there was the mixing of the rancid scents of the room -- the one coming from the corpse and the other one coming from Muzan himself. I wasn't sure how much longer I could bear being in that room.

Muzan's breathing grew steadier. He looked at me, his hands still pushing against the sides of head. "Put down the knife, Sakura," he said.

I was silent. I kept the knife pointed at him.

He lowered his hands from his head. "I have an idea." He took a step forward. "I think I know how you can understand me."

I stared at him in a controlled fear.

"I don't know what's happened with me," Muzan said and took another step closer.

I kept the knife pointed at him.

"But, I think I'm learning more about myself."

Can I --? Can I kill him when he comes close enough?

"Whatever it is this myself is now," he continued. "I'm strong now. I'm healthy."

He moved close enough so that the tip of the knife was almost touching the centre of his chest.

Now! I thought. Do it now!

But I couldn't move. I couldn't stab him. When he stood so close to me, I could see with such clarity in his eyes that he was Muzan, and not some kind of evil spirit taking over his body. He looked at me with the same pained, defeated expression that was characteristic of him. Even though his deep brown eyes had become a dark red, I could still see that the Muzan I knew was in there.

What are you waiting for? Kill him!

His eyes softened to a rather pathetically lost and troubled state.

Kill him! You have to kill him!

"What have I done?" he asked weakly.