As I kept running, my mind was rolling around in circles. I didn't know what I was doing, all I knew was that I needed to get away from everyone. I needed to feel, to breathe, to relax. I kept running farther and farther until I reached the lake. I walked up to the bridge, and put my feet through the railings, sitting down as close to the edge as I could. I could feel my adrenaline rushing through my veins, and I wanted to see it. I pulled out my blade from an old pencil sharpener and played with the sharp edge. I looked up around me, no one could see me, there was no one in sight. I lifted up my sleeve and stared down at the scars on my wrist. I picked up the blade and placed it near an empty spot. I looked up at the sky and whispered
"I'm sorry daddy, I need too".
And with that I pulled the blade through the skin, watching as blood poured out. I stared at it for a while, seeing the blood make a trail down to my hands. I grabbed my napkin from my bag and wiped the excess of blood off and tossed the napkin away into the thin air.
I didn't want to do this, I never imagined myself even thinking about doing this. But I did, and I was scared. Just then I heard a voice whispering my name behind me. I turned my head and looked up to see the dark haired man looking down at me.
"Daddy!" I screamed. "Daddy its you!"
"Pumpkin, what are you doing?" He whispered again.
"I'm sorry daddy. I just.. I just needed to feel something."
"Baby, that's pain, its not a good feeling. You can find plenty of good around you if you just look carefully."
"It hasn't been the same since you left us! Everything has been going downhill in my life. Its not fair daddy! Its not!" i screamed.
I felt tears streaming down my cheeks. He bent down and wiped them away with his hands.
"Oh my dear sweet baby. You can't blame yourself for what happened. Nobody can blame themselves for it. Take the whole thing as something that can help you. Make you as brave and strong as I believe you are." He said.
"I miss you , a lot daddy. I love you more than anything in this world. I want you back." I sobbed.
"I know pumpkin. Everything will be okay, but believe in yourself. Don't let anyone bring you down. I'll be beside you every step of the way ."
"You promise?"
"I promise."
He wrapped his arms around me tightly, and it made me miss him even more. I closed my eyes, trying to breathe, to take it all in. His arms began fading into the light air. I looked up at the night sky watching him. "Goodbye daddy. Please watch over me." It was getting late, and I knew by now my mom would have called the whole CSI crew to go look for me if I didn't head home soon. I pulled my sleeves down, picked up my bag, and began my journey back home.
"CHLOE! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?" My mother screamed.
She looked like she has been crying for days. She pulled me into a tight embrace and held me there like I was trying to escape. I wrapped my hands around her body and joined in on the hug.
"Im sorry mom. I just needed to get away. I didnt mean to worry you I promise."
I looked up into her eyes to show her I was telling her the truth. Her face relaxed a bit. Then turned a small frown.
"What did you need to get away from?" She questioned.
"Nothing mom. Just stressed out about school. Thats all I promise."
I know I lied to her but I had no choice. I didnt want to worry her no more. She has done enough and beyond for our family. My issues were under my responsibility not hers. We walked inside the house together to make some hot coco. As I walked into the kitchen I saw my brother Kevin wolfing down a plate of chocolate chip cookies. He stared at me as I walked into the kitchen.
"Oh great, you're back.. I didnt want to share these cookies."
I gave him a glare, telling him id get him back later for that. I sat down at the kitchen counter and reached for a cookie. My sleeve pulled up a tiny bit as I grabbed one. Panic rose through me as I saw my brother give me a questionable look. I shrugged him off like it was nothing hoping he would drop the topic, and he did. Oh sweet Jesus, thank you.
"Look Chlo, I know ive been hard on you about pretty much everything, but you know I just want whats best for you. I want you to be able to get a great career and so that you can take care of yourself and live happily. I want you to have the life I was never given."
"Mom, im sorry I have been a pain in the ass but I promise im trying. Things just keep coming up and it gets frustrating sometimes. You are a great role model and I appreciate you for everything you've done for our family since dad left us."
"Oh honey. I just want you to be happy. Things havent been the same since daddy left, but I know he wants us to move on and be happy."
"I love you mom."
"I love you too baby."
After we finished our drinks, I decided to head upstairs to my room. I pulled out my pj's and towels and took a nice long shower. After what felt like forever, I finally finished. I grabbed my laptop from my desk and plopped down on my bed with it. As I opened it up I noticed I had a whole bunch of notifications on the school chatroom. I opened up some of them, not knowing who half these people were. I read through most of them, and all I could read was:
"What a complete joke"
"Who would wanna tap that?"
"LOL did you see what she wore today?"
"I heard she ran away because she was pregnant with James' kid."
"She is such a whore."
"Chloe is a Sandra Wannabe."
I read through a few more and couldnt handle it no longer. I slammed my laptop shut, curled up in a ball and cried myself to sleep. Why do people hate me? What have I done to deserve this? I cant take this anymore. I dozed off into a deep sleep hoping to wake up somewhere far away.
