The Life of an Unknown Mind

The Comforting Light

I look up and I can see the light you use from the sun each night slowly getting brighter each night and fading away until you regain the strength you require to shine again. I look up and I feel safe with your light to guide me to a destination unknown by most who don't understand you. I look up and I can breathe.

You understand me in ways I don't, I look at myself confused and then I look at you and it's as if all my doubts and fears disappear until I fall asleep under your light. You converse with me so freely without the fear of over stepping the line. You know all of my darkest thoughts and feelings, you know all of my achievements and wins in life and you stay with me, you stay by my side through it all no questions asked. I wonder if you hear stories like mine all of the time or if you are just mine with no one else to share however I know this can't be true because you travel every night around the entire world.

I feel as though my time with you is limited and this scares me but only for a short period of time because I know I will see you again soon. Our time may be limited but our bond will last forever. Soon I will join you in the sky shining only as bright as my life will allow me to. My light may not be as bright but I will sit among the hundreds and thousands of lost souls who expose themselves each night in the clear sky without being overshadowed by the ominous clouds that may pass by, where I can see the world below and wonder where and when it all went wrong in my life while watching the bright and cheerful lives of young children who roam the streets no matter what the weather may be like just as I did. Then I would watch them grow into adults and see if their life becomes just as dark as mine.

My life, that's so weird to say. My life doesn't feel like my life it feels more shared with something darker, something no one can fully understand almost like a darker presence that sticks and never leave as though we are conjoined for eternity preventing me from shining as bright as I could. WHY WON'T YOU LEAVE ME ALONE. These questions never leave, I am overshadowed by the ominous clouds the stars are afraid of even the moon is scared but I cannot seem to shake the feeling that the end is near, but I have you to show me the right way to go as you light the path in front being too dark for the bare eye to see. You use almost all of your energy trying to save me when in reality i'm not sure that's what I truly want. What I truly want is to be with you never missing you, never running out of time with you, always being able to stay and speak with you. Instead all I have is limited time, limited time on this earth, limited time at home, limited time with the people I love and care about the most.

Let me join you, there must be space for me beside you in the sky. I only ask because the sky is endless, the sky has no limits or maybe I am wrong and I have no place on the sky because the life is full of limits and none of which last long even with you. I wonder why it's not my time when I so clearly want to leave, I have said so many times that I wish to leave but no one seems to be listening to me, like a constant battle between my head and my heart, so many unanswered questions, do you have the answers please say you do because I don't know how much more I can take. My mind feels like it's about to explode and I have nowhere to go, nowhere to rest until the end of time. I will never be as known as you are, you are seen by millions but you are just as I am. You wear a mask just like me only your mask is bright and allows you to shine whereas mine hides me from the world so that no one can see me unless they look closely enough to find me.

I love with all my heart but something is missing and I am not sure what it is. My life is not being fulfilled in the way I hoped. Do you know what my destiny is please say that you do because right now I am really struggling here? Please I need your help in order to feel full, to feel complete. I have everything yet something is missing, something important, something I cannot see without your help.

If you can't help me i'm not sure who can it's so difficult to find people who listen as much as you do but right now it's as if you can't hear me and I want to leave but at the same time I don't want to leave without the fulfilment of what my life was truly meant for. The fulfilment I cannot seem to find without your help, the help you are trying so hard to stop giving me, the help you seem to not have but I know that you do. So why are you trying so hard to stifle my dreams, stopping me from completing my life before I leave, stopping me from being truly free from the battle in my mind and heart where I need to be taken out of the crossfire in order to fully survive in this horrible world where no one is truly free until they are gone.

Thank you again for listening once again.

Your friend on the ground, I'll see you again soon. Goodbye for now.