And There Was Only One (Yuzuru Hanyu)

V There Was One Connection

The cicadas in July could easily overpower even his noise-cancelling earphones, so Yuzuru took them out halfway to the rink and decided to let the noise consume him. He stopped by the conbini, getting candy and banana milk he knew Ito-san liked. Maybe today he'll gather the courage to give it to her himself and not just leave it on the desk like a middle schooler would. 

Sure, it bothered him. 

It bothered him the way she averted her eyes when he spoke to her. The way she kept her distance. She no longer went out of her way to make small talk with him, or show kindness of any sort. 

He knew he didn't deserve it. He knew he fucked up. And that this was not something that could be fixed, not overnight, maybe never. 

Once lost, trust can never be regained, he knew that better than anyone. 

A drop of sweat fell from his chin down his neck as he crossed the street. The image of that night flashed before his eyes. That often happened. It attacked him at the most unexpected moments.

"Hi", he offered casually when he came in, taking his mask off immediately and breathing in the cool air, enjoying the feeling of it hitting his face. It was scorching outside. 

"Hello" she said politely, nodding. 

He looked. He always looked. He couldn't help himself. Her hair in a high ponytail exposed the smooth skin of her neck and the metal that decorated her small ears. A few strands intentionally fell over her face, giving it a sort of aloof coolness. 

He walked past her, too flustered to give her the snacks he wished to. 

She always confused him like that. The moment he saw her cold demeanor and distance, he got insecure, the feeling of guilt winning over all the confidence he would build up. With only one look at her, he was irreversibly defeated. 

Idiot

Idiot

Asshole 

Coward 

*

It had been about 4 months since that day. Since the day he fucked up and the day he apologized. 

Yuzuru was never the one to not admit when he made a mistake. 

And, despite his cruelty, he wasn't raised to treat women that way, let alone someone who worked for him. 

It was her kindness, and the liking he took for her, that in the moment made him completely forget exactly what kind of relationship they had. A business one. 

So that evening when he came in and was faced with her solemn, crumbled expression he bowed below his waist and formally apologized. 

A honest, heartfelt monologue at that point would have been sleazy and she would have probably walked out on him. All he could offer was to try and reconcile their professional relationship. Which, to his surprise, happened quite quickly and painlessly. 

Looking downwards, she expressed: "Apology accepted." 

And, it was. It wasn't a lie. She didn't seem to hold a grudge. She didn't seem mad or disgusted by him. She was... Well she was Ito-san. Charming and reserved, cute and intimidating. Professional and kind. And for a while Yuzuru thought it was just fine. Everything was fine and everything was the same.

But it wasn't and he soon felt it. She was distant and he felt awkward. He couldn't look at her warm eyes again, he couldn't bare to be in her presence. The guilt weighed on him like a ominous cloud, when he listened to the silence that was the conversations they had. She retracted to that first week of their acquaintance, when he barely noticed her, and she still hadn't given him her name. They were now - basically strangers .