TigerCat111's VocalRP Q&A Extravaganza

Tiger (1)

TIGER I AM STILL CRYING WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME

*Slams hands on table* Okay, you know what? You wanna know so bad? Fine. Strap in your seat belts and sign your permission slips. This is gonna be a long one.

(Trigger Warnings for Mental Heath issues and Self-Harm)

It all started with Miki.

When I first made her, it was sort of a harmless prank. People were supposed to guess her admin. At the end of the day it was a "Twas me all along, muahahaha!! I bet you all feel duped right now!" Fun thing for me.

Well, people took their sweet time guessing, leaving me pretending to be someone else.

Now, here's the thing about Roleplaying; you pretend to be someone else. Extending your own soul. But at the end of the day, it's still you, and everyone knows that it's you.

But for a little while, I didn't have that.

Nobody knew it was me. I was legitimately someone else.

It was cathartic.

But, eventually, people figured it out; it wasn't as funny as I intended, but it didn't matter in the long run.

But I couldn't forget that catharsis.

I struggle with self-hate. Badly. If I were another person, I would kill myself. I hate just about everything about me at some point. I wish things were different. I hate myself for being ungrateful for what I have. But at the same time I can't help it. And every day it only gets worse and worse. I'm sinking, fast, and I can't stop myself.

But when I was that someone else, even for just a little while, it was...freeing.

I wanted that again.

Eventually, I gave in to the temptation. One of my next upcoming accounts would start an odd trend that went...relatively unnoticed.

I created Xin Hua.

...I did things wrong, that time. It was too obvious that it was me. I tried to play it off at the time, but I obviously didn't do it right. It was bad. It was stupid.

But I learned from it.

My next anonymous account was Soft Fukase.

Something told me asking permission to join the cult was a mistake, that it would come back to bite me later--but I was too paranoid to not. I didn't want them to get mad at me. I was hoping CC's admin would eventually forget if I deleted the post and acted like it never happened.

I was wrong. Obviously.

Backtracking. It was fine, this time--nobody knew. It was far less obvious.

I was happy.

I felt scandalous--like the lying was part of some kind of mission. Like I was a spy. But the catharsis was more important.

It felt so good.

Kurotane came next. I has ideas for a villian, and the anonymous decision seemed like a good idea.

The logbook incident happened.

Kuro's logbook. Documenting the loids. Everyone is supposed to get a file.

Nagging. Constant whining. Aggression. Impatience. People couldn't just WAIT for their turns. They disrespected my system.

It was upsetting.

I was scared to say anything. I know how this goes. I voice an opinion and I get shut down.

But then I remembered.