Kiss my scars <3 - Vinnie Hacker

TWELVE

"I can do whatever you want" i say seductively.
"Whatever I want?"...

Saturday Nov.6th

Alayas pov:

Vinnies eyes widen as he processes the sentence that just came out of my mouth.

"No need to be nervous vin I don't bite" I say placing my hand on his thigh noticing his nervous demeanor. "I know I just-I don't wanna ruin my chances with you"

and just like that im turned off... cause tf does he mean by that we're just friends

I take my hand back. He noticed the sudden change in energy cause he speaks up "I just never really get to far when it comes to women in general so-"

I can't help but laugh.

we'd never work out Im to much for him.

"Vinnie I don't do relationships. We could never be together, I thought we were on the same page you know?" I say nonchalantly.

He looks hurt... should I feel bad? No I don't owe this man anything.

"Wow okay I just figured you were different" vinnie sighs. "Jesus Vinnie you've known me for what? Two- Three weeks?!? What could you have possibly expected. I literally sucked you're dick the second time we met-"

"How about when I took you for breakfast and sushi and not to mention polo-" Vinnie exclaims before getting cutt off once again. "I never asked you to do any off that vinnie you offered. It's not my fault you jumped to conclusions. I don't owe you anything so can you just shut the fuck up and take me home" Vinnie just looks at me in disbelief. He opens his mouth to say something but stops himself  "okay" he starts the car heading back to our apartments.

Maybe that was harsh but that's exactly why we could never be together. I'm too toxic without even realizing. Polo was right I would hurt him... well I just did.

The car ride was silent. Once we pulled up I didn't hesitate to get out the car not even looking back for vinnie. I hop in the elevator silently praying that it closes before vinnie can reach it.

And just as it's about to close vinnies tattooed hand reaches between the two door making then open once again.

This nigga couldn't just wait for the next one.

The elevator reaches my floor and I don't hesitate to leave until vinnie grabs my hand. I turn to face him. I can't help but notice how sad he looks, on the brink of tears almost.

I did that.

"If you need anything just know I'm always here Alaya" I nod in response not really knowing what to say at this point.

How could he be so kind after everything I just said.

"Goodbye vinnie" I turn once again not being able to look at his precious face anymore.

Of course I know im wrong but I have issues to settle before I can care for someone else, especially vinnie. I know I could've just said that instead of basically telling him I don't give a fuck about him.

But I can't, what if he takes advantage of my feelings. It wouldn't be the first time someone's used my issues to there advantage;

....

"You what!?!" My curly headed best friend exclaims standing at my door frame. "I know but what else was I supposed to say?"

"Alaya you could've literally kept it at I'm not ready for a relationship the rest was unnecessary" she says in disapproval. "Well he wasn't listening so I told him how it was-"

"No you pushed him away" I raise my eyebrows at her making her explain further "Cmon Alaya admit it. You've done it before. Someone genuine finally comes into you're life and you push them away."

"No I'm just not ready" maybe she's right but of course I'm to stubborn to let her know that. "Okay so when will you be ready. In a week? A month? A year? This niggas not gonna wait for you forever!"

"He doesn't need to Im fine being alone I've always been" I respond dryly already over the whole conversation. "Right. Keep telling yourself that... maybe if you actually tried to maintain something you'd notice it's not so bad" dev says walking away. "Whatever-"

"It's not whatever Alaya you're in this constant cycle. And the moment I think your progressing you take 10 steps back. Are you not tired!?!" I just look at her in disbelief.

"Get out!" I say following her to my living room "I was gonna leave anyways. I love you Alaya when will you understand I just want you to be okay" she says tears running down her face as she leaves.

She's right. I'm slowly getting worse I'm just too delusional to notice or even care.

Now here I am not only have I upset one but two people today. Not to mention my boy best friend ignoring me and unfollowing me.

I'm a mess.

I go to where I keep my gas hoping to release some stress but instead I'm met with an empty container. Of course out of all the days this could happen it happens the day i need it most.

What now?

Once one tear manages to slip down my cheek the rest come following along. I hate this feeling. I did it to myself though. I need something. Someone. Anything.

But of course I've pushed everyone away once again so I don't have much of an option. So I go to my kitchen remembering the Hennessy polo left once. I take it not hesitating to chug it.

I hate alcohol but it's what I've got right now so it'll have to do.

After chugging my life away I slump down onto my couch sobbing. I hate my life. I feel the alcohol slowly kicking in as I remember what vinnie told me in the elevator.

"If you need anything just know I'm always here Alaya"
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Author: Sorry for not updated for a minute I'm currently in the process of moving but fuck that. Imma start gettin active again. SHITS ABOUT TO GO DOWN. So stay tuned😉
(p.s sorry for the short chapter😣)