Uncomfortable Truths - Jercy, Jasiper, Percabeth

Uncomfortable Truths - Percy - Chapter Five

We sit on the bed again. Thankfully, there was a change of sheets in the dresser under the television set.

The lights are off, and Jason reaches over and holds my hand, giving it a squeeze.

"So," he says, "that just happened."

I nod. I'm not gonna deny it, but I'm also not sure what I'm supposed to say next. We just had mind-blowing sex. I'm beat, and my body makes its need for sleep clear by yawning.

"The question is," he continues, ignoring my sleepiness, "what are we going to do about it?"

I look at him, my head cocked to the side. Is he suggesting there are options? I don't see any options, but then, I've basically been pushing all thoughts about what happens next down and pretending they don't exist.

"What are our options?" I ask. I think I sound serious when I ask the question, but I'm never sure if people are going to take me seriously, so I never know if I sound like an idiot or not.

Jason hums, brushing his thumb over the back of my hand. "One, we try to go back to the way it was before. Swear it won't ever happen again and say nothing to our girlfriends."

I nod. That sounds like the best option to me, but when I look at him again, I can tell it's probably not going to work. All he has to do is say, roll over and let me fuck you, Percy, and I'd do it. I roll my eyes at myself. "Okay. What's two?"

"Two, we fess up. We return to Camp, and I go and tell Piper what happened and you do the same with Annabeth, then we let them make the call whether they want to break up with us or try to work things out."

I grimace. That sounds painful. It's probably the best option, though. In quests, it's usually the most treacherous path that ends up being the right choice.

"Mhm," I say. "Is there a three?"

He breathes out a long sigh. "There's a three and a four. Three, we decide what we want to do, right here, right now. If we want to like, end things with our girlfriends and embrace the gay life with each other, or whatever ..."

He sounds like he's trying to make that option the least appealing, and I'm not sure why. It feels like he's trying to protect himself, like he thinks I'll make fun of him if he says it any way other than sarcastically.

"... And four, umm ... I'm not sure what four is. What do you think four is?"

"Dude," I say, still mulling over option three. He shifts uncomfortably, but doesn't let go of my hand. I look him in the eye. "Do you have feelings for me? Like gay love feelings? Like honestly, and I'm not gonna make fun of you?"

He pulls his hand free, and my hand feels cold, but it seems like he just needed to rake his hair out of his eyes. He puts it back on mine without even thinking about it.

"I'm not sure. I love you, man. But I always thought it was bro love, you know? What about you?"

I wrinkle my forehead. Why do feelings have to be so fucking hard? I think back over the really, really amazing sex we just had. I can still feel where he was inside me. Can I go without having Jason ever again? But then, Annabeth. I can't do this to her. I can't tell her; I can't break up with her and take up with Jason, that would crush her. I'm stuck. Do I love her? My instant answer is yes. I love her, and her happiness is more important to me than anything else, but then ... I breathe out slowly. The one time we had sex was more like she was humoring me than wanting it. I accused her of thinking about school while we were doing it and she didn't deny it; she came back at me like it was my fault it sucked. I frown. Is it possible that we're just not sexually compatible, or was it just a first bad time and will get better if we keep working at it? When I used to picture my future, Annabeth was always front and center, but now, I'm seeing a crossroads. It's like Janus is talking to me from both his faces, trying to get me to focus on one over the other, and I can't get over how weird his ears look.

I shake my head. I'm so tired, I'm dreaming awake.

Jason's thumb on the back of my hand draws my focus again. It feels good, real, comfortable. I look at him. "I feel something. And it's a strong feeling ... but I just don't know." It's the only honest answer I have.

He nods. "We're in the same boat, then." He yawns.

"Hephaestus once told me that daybreak is a good time to make decisions," I say, half-musing to myself.

Jason yawns again. "That's good advice. C'mon. Let's sleep and see what the new day brings."

We crawl under the sheets and automatically shift so Jason spoons up behind me. I feel warm and really comfortable. It isn't long before sleep pulls me under, but the last thing I think before succumbing to it is how am I ever going to know if I made the right choice?