choking insanity

can i go back

there is no going back,
it happened like a heavy tide crashing on the shore, erasing away all the memories that lied on the brittle sand.
my shadow says it's my fault and my shadow knows me best. it's like a dark cloud of ignominy that follows me around,
everything it says turns out to be true when laid out in the sun.
there is no going back,
and if you ask the ugly part of my mind it'd say i was being dramatic, that i could have left before it all happened.
my shadow agrees and my shadow knows me best.
there is no going back,
because they had noticed, they had noticed something was going on with my impossible skull that they had leaked poisonous sweetness from their lips and
i think i could hear my shadow laughing.
there is no going back,
because i didn't know what else to do and they had tied a promise together like a weak knot around my neck.
my shadow screamed at me, scratched at my back with daggers to make me feel the agony i deserved,
because my shadow and i both know i should've shoved the truth down, we both know what happens when i over share
but now i'm ribs deep in regret and knees deep in blood.
there is no going back,
and i wouldn't be surprised if they laughed out the truth to everyone who cared to listen,
i wouldn't be shocked if they turned their back and judged, just like my shadow.
there is no going back
because i know well i should have kept the blood from pouring out, it would have saved us all.
there is no going back.

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there is probably spelling and grammar errors but idc anyways yeah this weekend was not fun at all