The apartment was empty as she held one final box in her hand. Emi held that box tightly as she did one last walkthrough of the apartment, holding back all the tears she could. Two decades of her life here and it was all packed away.
Emi made her way to the kitchen counter to lay the box. She opened it up and took out an aged envelope, torn at the edges. The adhesive on the back was non existent at this point. Taking out the letter, the violet parchment showed her mother's handwriting.
To my loving daughter, Emi,
Annyeong, my love. If you are reading this, I have been reunited with your appa. I know this will be a difficult time for you as you have shown so much love, strength, perseverance, and acceptance of the journey we have been through. My hope is that you can live your life to the fullest. You have worked hard in a short amount of time. I know you have so many dreams and goals in that amazing mind of yours. Live them out and grow into the person you want to be.
I remember a conversation we had when we found out it was only a matter of time before I could meet your appa again. I worried for you as I did not want to leave you alone, but your old soul ensured me that you knew that the feeling of loneliness would creep up on you. However, that was not going to stop you, because you knew we would be watching over you. You also reminded me that you are also never alone here on earth, because of the family we made together here. Your Auntie Suk Yong, Charles, Mimi, Uncle Phil, and Trish. I know there will be more people in your life that will become more than someone you pass by. Thank you for keeping up my spirits and making me feel at home, not just home here in Kansas, but remaking my home in Korea. I hope you can experience Korea more than just a summer, like we did before this life change. I love you, Emi. ~Love, Eomma
Emi took a deep breath to gather herself and placed the letter back in the envelope. She heard the door open and quickly placed the letter in her purse. "Auntie Suk Yong, I'm in the kitchen." She dried her eyes as much as she could. However, Auntie Suk Yong would not even comment on her puffy eyes. She knew Emi was keeping herself together as her life was to take another turn.
"Ready to head over to dinner? I saw the landlord downstairs waiting for you." Emi grabbed the box and the keys from her pocket. She had already separated the apartment keys from her lanyard. There was nothing else, at least property wise, that she would need to have not that lanyard. Another sharp reminder that there was a different life and set of people awaiting her.
Emi handed the landlord the keys. She thanked him and his family for their support of her and her mother since they moved in here long ago. She put the last box in Auntie's car and they drove off to her last night in Kansas.
Arriving at Auntie Suk Yong's home felt like the most comforting moment she had been able to have in the past year. She spent countless nights here when her mother worked nights and early mornings. Her Auntie Suk Yong was hands down her second mom. Prior to entering the home, she spoke with a delivery service representative to deliver the last of her belongings to her new house.
"Emi, come on in, girl. We have your favorite foods here!" her Uncle Phil yelled from the door. He was the only person she would consider her father at this point.
Emi never got to meet her appa. His pictures, her eomma's stories, and photo albums were the only pieces she had to put together of her father. Her summer trips to Korea would be filled with following his footsteps around to his favorite spots, experiencing his favorite activities, and consuming his favorite dishes. It was a way for her to hold his hand or have a conversation with him.
Gosh, the rush of emotion really hit her as she entered her aunt and uncle's home. Pictures dominated the front corridor of the their home. Charles, their eldest son; Tricia, the middle daughter; and Mimi, their youngest daughter, were all shown in their caps and gowns up to the point of their college graduations. Candid photos filled the spaces that were not of formal family pictures or school photos. Sprinkled in those candid photos were Emi and Charles or Suk Yong and Emi's mom, Eun Ji. It was of the simpler times.
"Em, I hope being here helps you feel at home somewhere. Charles had mentioned that you haven't been feeling at home anywhere," Uncle Phil mentioned as he held her shoulder.
"Of course, he would say that. Yeah, he is right. It's been awhile since I could breathe this calmly. I don't know about when I arrive in that Toronto house. It's been years since we visited that place...let alone live there. But knowing how things will work out, Eomma probably set something up to give me some sort of foundation there."
Uncle Phil responded, "I definitely know your mom did something to set up for your life up there. It was always like her to do that."
They walked into dining room and Emi smelled the a mixture of her favorite Korean and American dishes: tteokbokki, sweet potato fries, Uncle Phil's special seasoned burgers, bulgogi, and a side of kimchi for herself.
Dinner went by quickly. She was surviving the past few months, but at that dinner she felt like she was living after so long. However, that sinking feeling came back once she laid in bed, preparing herself to move to Toronto tomorrow.
'God, I cannot believe I am doing this. Eomma, you better know what you are doing,' she thought to herself as she scrolled through her phone.
Several reminders came up on her phone of what she had to do as she got off the plane tomorrow. She swiped them all up and watched videos on YouTube to get herself to laugh or smile. Something that needs much effort these days. She played an entire playlist of Running Man clips, videos that reminded her of her eomma's presence and laughter, but also gave her true laughter and escape.
An hour after bingeing clips, she received a text from a number she was not familiar with that read:
Unknown Contact: Emi, it's me, Jason. I know I am the last person you expected to hear from but I wanted to apologize for how we left things. I left you at the worst part of your life and was the most selfish I have been in my life. I want to make it up to you and do my best to make our relationship work. Please, Em. I still love you and that never changed.
This was the last thing she needed to see before heading off to her new chapter. It was a moment that she imagined, but could never really play out because of its complexity and her emotions. She typed:
Emi: Hello. I don't really know how to respond to this. You were very adamant about what I did to you and how that messed up your plans. Your actions were also very clear when you said that you were in love with someone else. It concerns me that you want to commit to me, but you also wanted to commit to another person just a few months ago. So this commitment switching does not help me trust you.
She sent that text and felt that she was not confused at what she wanted to make clear.
Jason: Em, I know its all very confusing and I was confused at that time. I was under a lot of pressure, which does not excuse my actions. But I want you to know that I have changed and have no contact with her anymore. We had 3 years of something that could still have a future. Em, again I still love you.
At this point, she really thought about his words then and his words now. This was the most sure thing she had experienced in the past few months. She sent a final text:
Emi: I don't see you in my future. I used to think you would be there, but now I am very certain about this. And I haven't been sure about some things in my life for the past few months. But I can tell you this with the utmost confidence. This is the end of our story. I wish you all that best with your life. Goodbye.
YOU ARE READING
Threads and Strings
Fanfiction"I know there will be more people in your life that will be become more than someone you pass by." As a speech pathologist working with little kids, Emi Kim had been through enough in her 24 years of life that could have broke her, especially in 201...
