Fractured

Chapter 27

When I woke up Conner was there. I didn't ask him where he went when his eyes locked onto mine, and he didn't seem to want to offer an explanation so that was that.
he could do whatever he wanted.

I had to end this before I ended up really hurting him.
Maybe slowly letting go was the way to do that.

Conner muttered a good-morning to which I didn't reply.
After the silence of waking up and the awkwardness of mid morning breakfast. We decided, well Conner decided that we would go visit Scarlett, she woke up early this morning and I had my suspicions that that was where Conner was.

I nodded and we drove to the hospital.

I could feel Conners gaze on the side of my face as we drove, another time I would tell him to pay attention to the road. But he didn't know I was trying to think of ways to end this, to end us.

That dream made me realize that I am the problem, I am the obstacle in the way of ruining people and I never wanted anything in my whole life but to make people understand, I never wanted to feel wanted as much as I have in the last few years. But now that I new I had it I couldn't stop the accumulating thoughts that I was the problem. I was like a walking rain cloud, everyone waited for the next storm to come so they could be by my side. Help me get through my problems. But I didn't want that, I was dragging them down with me in more ways then one and it was painful.

Basically I don't want anyone to have to go through what I've gone through and still am going through. They shouldn't have to do that.

I didn't notice we where in the hospital parking lot and parked until Conner turned to me.

"What's wrong." He asked his voice full of concern and worry.

I took a deep breathe and watched as my breathe fog up the icy car window.
"Nothing."

The thing was that when something was wrong it was always just a suitable answer to say nothing. Nothing meant you didn't have to explain, nothing meant you didn't have to try.

It must've been the way I said nothing or the way I said nothing that didn't really sound convincing because now Conner was naming off things he could've done wrong to upset me. But it wasn't him it was me. Totally cliche but it was the truth. Conner under all his layers was a good person and I had the opportunity to see such a brilliant person up close. A shadow of who I could be. But I was the problem.

"...was it because of the party? Did I do something wrong? Was it because I wasnt there this morning, I had to come here. I didn't want to wake you up, is it because I never told you about Scarlett? She's my cousin."

His revelation didn't stun me, I sort of figured they where somehow related. I just didn't know how till now. I urged myself not to care. If I don't care then maybe it won't hurt so bad when I tell him I'm done.
He rambled on and on not pausing to take a breathe, I can't let anyone hurt because of me.

Looking over I searched his face looking for anything to give me confidence to break up with him. I didn't find anything and sighed.

"No, it's okay. Let's just go inside."

After a moment of hesitation he unlocked the doors and we both slipped out into the harsh coldness of the winter air.
Today the clouds never gave way to the sun, blocking the warmth from reaching any part of Minnesota's snow covered ground.

Conners hand brushed mine and he gently slipped his hand in mine. I wanted to pull away but the warmth and safety of him fought against me.

Converse scrapped the icy blacktop as we silently made our way to the brick building that held so many memories.